Feminism in the Workplace: Misogyny, Football and Fundraising

women and footballGuest Post by Nonprofit Maven

I love my job. I work with women and men who are passionate about raising money to help find a cure for the disease that debilitates our patients we see on a day-to-day basis.

It’s challenging work…in the era of the viral Ice Bucket Challenges and walks and runs to raise money for x, y, and z, how does one find innovative and effective ways to raise money to fund disease research in an ethical and meaningful way?

In the past couple years, my nonprofit has been trying a new event where we use a football stadium and people get their friends and sign up as teams. For one day, you get the opportunity to play on real football field with your friends. It’s a great idea and a fun time. Even with this great model, it can sometimes be difficult to hit our fundraising goals.

If we don’t hit our fundraising goals, we don’t have the money to pay future researchers for their work to find new medications and eventually cure this disease.

My boss recently came to us with a dilemma. Other nonprofits have found it effective to have a game for people to come watch. Ideally, one would get some celebrities to play against each other, but our disease isn’t super sexy and doesn’t attract the big names.

Another idea that has garnered support among the board members? Have two bars known for their scantily-clad female servers play against each other…in their work attire.

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Relief Society Lesson 24: The Work of Latter-day Saint Women

Emma Smith
Click for French Translation/Traduction en français

I would start this lesson by putting Joseph Fielding Smith’s quote up on the board: “There is no limit to the good that our sisters can do.”

How does this quote feel to you?  What limits do we often put on ourselves?  My greatest limitation is fear.  I am afraid that I’m not good enough, that I’ll fail, that I’ll do something wrong.  Sometimes I even fear that I’ll succeed.  Fear of discovering our power as women can limit the good that we can do.

On March 17, 1842, Emma Smith gathered with other women and men to officially organize a society for the women.  There was great debate over what the society should be called.  Some wanted it to be called the Benevolent Society.  Others wanted to call it the Relief Society.  In the midst of this debate, Emma said:

“We are going to do something extraordinary! When a boat is stuck in the rapids with a multitude of Mormons on board, we shall consider that a loud call for relief. We expect extraordinary occasions and pressing calls.”1
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Careers and the LDS Woman

I am a professional organizer.  (Yes, I do this for a living.)  This weekend I organized a conference for Professional Organizers.  It’s been intense.

In my job, I organize people’s homes, pantries, offices, attics, files, and computers.  I talk to them about order, white space, letting go, and flow.   I believe I make a difference.  I take organizing a step further in companies as a project manager.  And I stretch my business skills as an entrepreneur.  I’m a fantastic networking living in a city of networkers.  My business is growing.

But …. I haven’t always been a business owner and an organizer.  I graduated BYU with a degree that met two criteria:  it was usable in the work place and it was flexible around motherhood.

And when marriage, motherhood (and a second income) didn’t come, I realized that I should have added a third criteria to my graduation standards: lucrative.  So, I did what every LDS woman does when she finds herself at 30 and still single, I went back to school and got an MBA.   

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Voices from the Exponent Backlist on the Joseph Smith Polygamy Essay

On October 22nd, a new essay appeared on LDS.org under the topic of “plural marriage.” (read it here ; subtopics are also here about the beginning of plural marriage in Kirkland, and here about plural marwomanriage in Utah and here about the end of polygamy.) The essay soon made rounds on the internet, including facebook and the Exponent backlist, stirring up feelings and even more questions about Joseph Smith, the practice of plural marriage, and what it means for men and women in the church. Below are a few of the responses of the Exponent bloggers on this very controversial and painful topic.

 

Em: I thought the essay published by the church was mostly okay, and definitely more than we usually hear.  Then I saw some comments from a friend of a friend regarding the article.  She wanted to know where it says Joseph had sex with his wives. 

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What we see

This is what I was drawing when my professor and I had this conversation.  I don't remember any more what the model looked like, but I do remember myself at age 18, and this could have easily been a self-portrait.

This is what I was drawing when my professor and I had this conversation. I don’t remember any more what the model looked like, but I do remember myself at age 18, and this easily could have been a self-portrait.

“Do you know why you’re so good at drawing this model?” asked my figure drawing 101 professor. “Because she looks like you.”

The model was hired from the student body of my junior college. She was a petite, White, eighteen-year-old, like me.

Unconsciously drawing yourself is common among art students. They will painstakingly study the unique person posed directly in front of them, in plain sight, and then proceed to draw exactly what they see–themselves. And this happens all the time! It is perfectly normal.

This perspective problem can happen in other situations besides sketching. Instead of seeing others’ concerns, challenges, hopes and desires, we project our own onto them, oblivious to the diversity around us.

The golden rule has fallen out of favor with some diversity awareness advocates because “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” works only if the other party actually does want the same thing you do. They promote the platinum rule: “Do unto others as they would have done unto them.” In other words, don’t give other people what you would want. Give them what they want!

While recognizing the validity of this point, I still prefer the golden rule, and not just because Jesus came up with it. The problem with the platinum rule is

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Leaving the Old Ship Zion to Walk on Water

IMG_9053By Jenny

I noticed a theme of water analogies in the Sunday afternoon session of Conference.  These analogies made me think about perspective and how we perceive the world differently based on our different experiences.  First Elder Ballard shared a familiar narrative: The Old Ship Zion.  We are all in a boat representing the church and we must hold tightly to it and obey our trusty guides lest we fall overboard and drown.  Because of this narrative, I have spent my whole life fearing the unsure waters of the world, while I have had absolute faith in the boat, its captain, and my life jacket.  Little did I know that those would be the very things to cause doubt and cognitive dissonance for me.

I began to realize that my faith was slightly misplaced.  After all, faith has never been about staying safely on the shoreline or holding tightly to a boat.  Look at our great scriptural heroes.  They didn’t fear the water, they controlled it and conquered it with their faith.  Moses didn’t say, “Well it’s too dangerous to cross this sea so I guess we will stay on solid ground.”  No, with faith greater than his fear and uncertainty, he parted the waters.  Nephi and the Jaredites didn’t give up on discovering the promised land because the unknown waters were too scary for them.  No, they put their faith in God and conquered those waters.  Sure, they stayed in the boats, but in this case, the boats represent the unknown, not the safe, sure bet.

Peter didn’t stay in the boat.  He took those scary unsure steps out into the raging sea so that his faith could grow.  Like Peter, I also had to leave the boat in order for my faith to grow.  Sometimes it is necessary to plunge into the raging waters in order to build enough faith to walk on the water.  Isn’t that what life is for?  To discover our own divinity and power, not to obey mandates that take us all down one smooth safely charted course?  When I left the boat, all my ward members and leaders saw was me leaving the safety of the boat.  They didn’t see what I saw.  They didn’t see the Savior standing with outstretched arms, beckoning me, saying, “You can do it.  You were born to walk on the water, not to be afraid of it.”  So I can understand why their perspective is different from my own.

But just because I got out of the boat and learned to walk doesn’t mean that I didn’t want to come back to the Old Ship Zion and be with the people I love.  In fact, I wanted to jump back in the boat and tell them all about the amazing experience I had just had on the water.  Unfortunately my shipmates and trusty guides are all used to the familiar narrative that Elder Ballard shared.  From their perspective I had already drowned.  So they steered the ship away from me in hopes that no one else would fall over.  From my perspective, I was clinging to the boat when they pried my hands loose and sailed away, throwing my Mormon belongings overboard as they went.

Later in the conference session, Elder Larry S. Kacher talked about currents.  I enjoyed his perspective at first, because he was sharing from his personal experience.  He talked about a current he found when he joined the church that led him in a positive direction.  His family and friends couldn’t see it from his perspective.  I related to that because I have also found a current that is leading my life in a positive direction, but my friends think that I am trapped in the very negative current that Elder Kacher goes on to talk about.  He mentions two specific people he knows distantly and states that they have been swept up in negative currents that caused them to leave the church.  I hated these second-hand accounts of these two different men because he reduced their experiences to a formulaic statement that I doubt actually reflects or resonates with their true experience.  When we try to speak for another person and their experience which is different from our own, we are bound to get it wrong.  We need to stop doing this as a church.  Unfortunately I hear all too often these second-hand accounts from local and general leaders.  It’s sort of like an acceptable form of gossip.  But it’s not acceptable…not really.

I know that no one can share my story and get it exactly right.  Least of all, someone who won’t try to understand things from my perspective, but uses an old familiar narrative to prove a point.  My story has been shared publicly by my own leaders as a way to instill fear in others about the water.  After several meetings with my bishop and stake president in which they neither listened to nor tried to understand me, my bishop spoke in Relief Society and Sunday School about my situation.  I guarantee he did not get my story right, but it fulfilled his purpose of maintaining one narrative in the ward, that if you leave the boat you will drown, that if you aren’t careful about what you get into online, you will be swept away in the current.  When church leaders like Elder Kacher share other people’s stories in conference to promote this one-sided narrative, it gives local leaders the feeling that they can do it too.  The problem with maintaining this one narrative is that it doesn’t account for the fact that faith is an individual thing.  One narrative does not work for everyone.  That’s why it is important to listen to each other’s perspectives, and to understand that the church may be a good current for some, but it can also be a negative current for others.

A few years ago I tried to capture my perspective, conveniently enough, in a water analogy.  I had just broken through the mounting cognitive dissonance and realized that the raging sea is not what I had once believed it to be.  I felt a mix of exhilaration and sadness.  Exhilaration because I was learning to walk on water.  Sadness because I knew exactly how my experience would be perceived by my friends and family.  I knew that it would be almost impossible to help them see it from my perspective.  So, regardless of the narrative the church leaders are sharing about people like me who have experienced a faith transition, here is my narrative, based on my experience and perspective:

Oh to go back! Sweet sweet oblivion! My path is full of pain and anguish. I didn’t want to come head on with the construct of the world that I have always known. But once the cracks began to form, the water started seeping in. I tried to plug them up, but some cracks were just too deep. Soon my dam broke and the water came faster than I could handle. How much easier it might have been if I wasn’t surrounded by people whose dams are sure. They look at me and say, “You are only a ruined dam. You gave up everything because you let the cracks take over. You should have stayed on the safe side. Read your scriptures, pray, strengthen your testimony…” But I am NOT a broken dam! I am a river going beyond. I see a world that they will never know as long as they are a wall built to keep things in. I am not departing from the things I gained through religion. A dammed lake that becomes a river takes with it the essence of what it is. I take it all with me as I search other paths and seek for fertile ground. I keep the good and beautiful things and let go of the dirt that tries to follow. My paths are exciting and new. I change the world around me while my world shapes and directs me. I have a relationship with life and God that I never knew was possible during my time as a solid wall. Back then I was too busy keeping my lake stagnant and still, to notice the complexity of everything. Now the fear is gone and I am free. Free to roam, free to live, free to love, and free to learn. Yet still, it is hard to know that I am a river exploring new and beautiful places…because still, they call me a broken dam.
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