Comments on: Guest Post: The Role of Women on Missions http://www.the-exponent.com/2008/06/27/guest-post-the-role-of-women-on-missions/ Am I Not a Woman and a Sister? Sat, 31 Jul 2010 22:13:40 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: Cheryl http://www.the-exponent.com/2008/06/27/guest-post-the-role-of-women-on-missions/comment-page-1/#comment-7941 Cheryl Thu, 24 Jul 2008 03:29:00 +0000 http://theexponent.wordpress.com/?p=755#comment-7941 I, too, served a foreign mission, in southern Europe. It has been many years since then, but there is not a day that goes by but that I am not grateful for my mission and the opportunities of service there. While serving in Germany, I was able to serve in a leadership capacity the final six months of my eighteen month mission as a District Leader. I was in charge of other sister missionaries in the area. We held weekly District meetings. I interviewed them weekly: to build relationships with them, help and support them, counsel and advise them, move the missionary work forward, "lead by example",etc. I was called upon to make difficult decisions regarding these sisters when they and male missionaries broke mission rules. I had the unique opportunity of working with a General Authority as my mission president. I believe he saw the need to give sister missionaries the same kinds of learning and leadership experiences as he did with the Elders. I would HIGHLY enoucourage any young women to serve a mission. The testimony I gained of the Gospel and its principles, the many things I learned about myself on my mission, the opportunity for selfless service have served me every day of my life, and that is almost thirty years ago. I, too, served a foreign mission, in southern Europe. It has been many years since then, but there is not a day that goes by but that I am not grateful for my mission and the opportunities of service there.
While serving in Germany, I was able to serve in a leadership capacity the final six months of my eighteen month mission as a District Leader. I was in charge of other sister missionaries in the area. We held weekly District meetings. I interviewed them weekly: to build relationships with them, help and support them, counsel and advise them, move the missionary work forward, “lead by example”,etc. I was called upon to make difficult decisions regarding these sisters when they and male missionaries broke mission rules. I had the unique opportunity of working with a General Authority as my mission president. I believe he saw the need to give sister missionaries the same kinds of learning and leadership experiences as he did with the Elders. I would HIGHLY enoucourage any young women to serve a mission. The testimony I gained of the Gospel and its principles, the many things I learned about myself on my mission, the opportunity for selfless service have served me every day of my life, and that is almost thirty years ago.

]]> By: Flygirl http://www.the-exponent.com/2008/06/27/guest-post-the-role-of-women-on-missions/comment-page-1/#comment-7940 Flygirl Sat, 05 Jul 2008 19:37:33 +0000 http://theexponent.wordpress.com/?p=755#comment-7940 My mission was a mix of positive and negative. I think the reason I felt so strongly positive about it is that it gave me a sense of purpose and righteousness. There was a lot of rule-breaking, as well as many sisters in our mission with serious mental health issues. So I felt like I had to be "righteous" and "obedient" and work hard, but I think I did a lot of this because of the opposition I felt from others who didn't share the same goals. I'm sure I would have mostly been that way anyway, and I do think it was good to work hard, and be obedient to a point, but I think it gave me a false sense of superiority that I am not proud of now. I was only focused on one thing, and was judgmental at times of others who weren't. I didn't know where they were at in their lives or how to love people for who they were. I do think it helped me develop a sense of leadership and helped me gain confidence, but I think that I could have done that many other ways, such as a service opportunity such as the Peace Corps. I did not get along well with many of the elders in my mission (or I did until they were put in a leadership position over me). Many of them did not like sisters, which was quite obvious to us. Their focus on numbers and lack of understanding of individual circumstances (ie having companions who seriously needed mental health treatment and could not really do missionary work) made it difficult working with some of the elders. I think my mission president was supportive of the sisters, and acted as though he trusted us more than the elders. We were allowed to have sleepovers with the other sisters and he didn't really care that several of us called each other all the time when we were having a hard time (technically against the rules). But the structure of having 19-year old boys telling you what to do often did not work well for me. Being the person I am now, I would definitely not go again or encourage a daughter to go, although I did make some wonderful friends from my mission that I like to think make it worth it for me. My mission was a mix of positive and negative. I think the reason I felt so strongly positive about it is that it gave me a sense of purpose and righteousness. There was a lot of rule-breaking, as well as many sisters in our mission with serious mental health issues. So I felt like I had to be “righteous” and “obedient” and work hard, but I think I did a lot of this because of the opposition I felt from others who didn’t share the same goals. I’m sure I would have mostly been that way anyway, and I do think it was good to work hard, and be obedient to a point, but I think it gave me a false sense of superiority that I am not proud of now. I was only focused on one thing, and was judgmental at times of others who weren’t. I didn’t know where they were at in their lives or how to love people for who they were.

I do think it helped me develop a sense of leadership and helped me gain confidence, but I think that I could have done that many other ways, such as a service opportunity such as the Peace Corps.

I did not get along well with many of the elders in my mission (or I did until they were put in a leadership position over me). Many of them did not like sisters, which was quite obvious to us. Their focus on numbers and lack of understanding of individual circumstances (ie having companions who seriously needed mental health treatment and could not really do missionary work) made it difficult working with some of the elders.

I think my mission president was supportive of the sisters, and acted as though he trusted us more than the elders. We were allowed to have sleepovers with the other sisters and he didn’t really care that several of us called each other all the time when we were having a hard time (technically against the rules). But the structure of having 19-year old boys telling you what to do often did not work well for me.

Being the person I am now, I would definitely not go again or encourage a daughter to go, although I did make some wonderful friends from my mission that I like to think make it worth it for me.

]]> By: Jessawhy http://www.the-exponent.com/2008/06/27/guest-post-the-role-of-women-on-missions/comment-page-1/#comment-7939 Jessawhy Sat, 05 Jul 2008 03:44:06 +0000 http://theexponent.wordpress.com/?p=755#comment-7939 Tacy, Thanks for your thoughts. I'm glad you shared your experience. No one is a guest here, we're all peers, learning more about each other, as I did while reading your comment. I'm sorry that your mission was so painful. You seem to have taken a difficult situation and grown from it, and that's really hard to do. Glad you stopped by, come again soon. Tacy,
Thanks for your thoughts. I’m glad you shared your experience. No one is a guest here, we’re all peers, learning more about each other, as I did while reading your comment.
I’m sorry that your mission was so painful. You seem to have taken a difficult situation and grown from it, and that’s really hard to do.
Glad you stopped by, come again soon.

]]> By: E http://www.the-exponent.com/2008/06/27/guest-post-the-role-of-women-on-missions/comment-page-1/#comment-7938 E Sat, 05 Jul 2008 01:14:51 +0000 http://theexponent.wordpress.com/?p=755#comment-7938 I had a good experience on my mission, but the thought that comes to me as I read the responses regarding whether readers would encourage their daughters to serve is this: Why should that be based on your experience? Your daughter, if she serves, will not have the same MP as you did, will almost certainly not serve in the same mission, and will meet different people and have different experiences. You may have been abused by an evil gynecologist, or you may have been profoundly blessed by the most inspirational married couple you have ever met. This is not predictive of your daughter's experience. This is why, although I secretly hope that all of my children, sons and daughters, will serve missions, I will try not to impose that on them. It may or may not be what's best, and that decision is really between them and the Lord. I had a good experience on my mission, but the thought that comes to me as I read the responses regarding whether readers would encourage their daughters to serve is this: Why should that be based on your experience? Your daughter, if she serves, will not have the same MP as you did, will almost certainly not serve in the same mission, and will meet different people and have different experiences. You may have been abused by an evil gynecologist, or you may have been profoundly blessed by the most inspirational married couple you have ever met. This is not predictive of your daughter’s experience.

This is why, although I secretly hope that all of my children, sons and daughters, will serve missions, I will try not to impose that on them. It may or may not be what’s best, and that decision is really between them and the Lord.

]]> By: Tacy http://www.the-exponent.com/2008/06/27/guest-post-the-role-of-women-on-missions/comment-page-1/#comment-7937 Tacy Thu, 03 Jul 2008 05:09:32 +0000 http://theexponent.wordpress.com/?p=755#comment-7937 My sister emailed me this post, and though I am only a guest here, I have a comment or two, hope you don't mind. I served a mission 5 years ago in the Midwest and experienced much of the treatment you describe. Sisters were barely tolerated by most of the elders, and maltreated by my second mission president who had no daughters, and, I believe, thought of women as second class citizens. We had no leadership called specifically for sisters, we were not allowed to have sister’s conferences, and when I organized a faux one masquerading as a temple visit, I got called in and reprimanded by the president. My mission revealed my own secretly weak spiritual core. I came to understand that I served in an organization that did not love, support or include me, which inevitably dampened my spirits and caused me to seek love from other places. But, when I turned to God's love I discovered that I didn't know God on that level. That was a huge revelation to me. I knew God academically, but not intimately. With that realization came many more. I discovered at that point that I did not enjoy telling other people about my religion, and had I been really honest about that aspect of my personality I would not have chosen to go on a mission. I returned home depressed and angry at my president, myself and God. I spent several years dealing with guilt, disappointment, and a sense of religious disenfranchisement. I departed from religion to a greater extent, and sought easier answers in simple pleasures. Time has kindly revealed the truth of my experiences, and has healed my relationship with God though I am still coming back to religion slowly. Ultimately, I discovered I went on a mission primarily to serve my own pride, to be recognized for it by others in the church, and to have it on my resume. I went with a thin yet vast historical defense of doctrine but with no spiritual witness of truth. My mission created an extremely painful conduit for real personal and spiritual growth that I don’t believe would have happened otherwise. I did not like my mission, and I have regular nightmares about being called to go again, but it played a large role in shaping who I am today and in whom I am becoming, and for this I’m undeniably grateful. I experienced some of the negative treatment you describe, but I still attribute my real struggles to my own attitudes and motives. If I have children, I will encourage them to do what they want regarding mission service, even if they serve missions with motives as selfish as mine were because I believe, for better or for worse, missions are an enormous learning opportunity, and that’s what life is for. My sister emailed me this post, and though I am only a guest here, I have a comment or two, hope you don’t mind.
I served a mission 5 years ago in the Midwest and experienced much of the treatment you describe. Sisters were barely tolerated by most of the elders, and maltreated by my second mission president who had no daughters, and, I believe, thought of women as second class citizens. We had no leadership called specifically for sisters, we were not allowed to have sister’s conferences, and when I organized a faux one masquerading as a temple visit, I got called in and reprimanded by the president.
My mission revealed my own secretly weak spiritual core. I came to understand that I served in an organization that did not love, support or include me, which inevitably dampened my spirits and caused me to seek love from other places. But, when I turned to God’s love I discovered that I didn’t know God on that level. That was a huge revelation to me. I knew God academically, but not intimately. With that realization came many more. I discovered at that point that I did not enjoy telling other people about my religion, and had I been really honest about that aspect of my personality I would not have chosen to go on a mission.
I returned home depressed and angry at my president, myself and God. I spent several years dealing with guilt, disappointment, and a sense of religious disenfranchisement. I departed from religion to a greater extent, and sought easier answers in simple pleasures. Time has kindly revealed the truth of my experiences, and has healed my relationship with God though I am still coming back to religion slowly.
Ultimately, I discovered I went on a mission primarily to serve my own pride, to be recognized for it by others in the church, and to have it on my resume. I went with a thin yet vast historical defense of doctrine but with no spiritual witness of truth. My mission created an extremely painful conduit for real personal and spiritual growth that I don’t believe would have happened otherwise.
I did not like my mission, and I have regular nightmares about being called to go again, but it played a large role in shaping who I am today and in whom I am becoming, and for this I’m undeniably grateful. I experienced some of the negative treatment you describe, but I still attribute my real struggles to my own attitudes and motives. If I have children, I will encourage them to do what they want regarding mission service, even if they serve missions with motives as selfish as mine were because I believe, for better or for worse, missions are an enormous learning opportunity, and that’s what life is for.

]]> By: Maren http://www.the-exponent.com/2008/06/27/guest-post-the-role-of-women-on-missions/comment-page-1/#comment-7936 Maren Wed, 02 Jul 2008 00:44:22 +0000 http://theexponent.wordpress.com/?p=755#comment-7936 Thanks EmilyCC. I read often and have enjoyed posting. I appreciate everyone's thoughts and comments. Though not like some missions described here, I experienced some of my lowest days while on my mission. I recognize that my career has been shaped by the cultural immersion and language experience I had while serving. That aspect of my mission I will always appreciate. I was intrigued by Caroline's post. She stated she was occupied by study abroad and graduate school opportunities and did not consider a mission. I recently led a week long study abroad trip to Mexico where I met students living with host families, learning a language, and engaging in service learning in specialty areas that were deeply meaningful to them. I was impressed by their dedication and commitment. I will strongly encourage them to give a year of service, and become immersed in a culture other than their own. If my daughters want to serve missions, I will support them. However, they will also be aware that there are many meaningful options other than church missions. Thanks EmilyCC. I read often and have enjoyed posting. I appreciate everyone’s thoughts and comments.

Though not like some missions described here, I experienced some of my lowest days while on my mission. I recognize that my career has been shaped by the cultural immersion and language experience I had while serving. That aspect of my mission I will always appreciate.

I was intrigued by Caroline’s post. She stated she was occupied by study abroad and graduate school opportunities and did not consider a mission. I recently led a week long study abroad trip to Mexico where I met students living with host families, learning a language, and engaging in service learning in specialty areas that were deeply meaningful to them. I was impressed by their dedication and commitment.

I will strongly encourage them to give a year of service, and become immersed in a culture other than their own. If my daughters want to serve missions, I will support them. However, they will also be aware that there are many meaningful options other than church missions.

]]> By: EmilyCC http://www.the-exponent.com/2008/06/27/guest-post-the-role-of-women-on-missions/comment-page-1/#comment-7935 EmilyCC Tue, 01 Jul 2008 05:29:52 +0000 http://theexponent.wordpress.com/?p=755#comment-7935 Maren, what a great post! I hope we'll see more from you. I didn't serve a mission. My hardest times with the Church happened when I was in my late teens and early 20's. I remember praying about it and feeling like God was giving me that choice. When I hear awful experiences like those of D'arcy, Angie, and Ardis, I think it was really good that I didn't go--it wouldn't have taken much to make me leave the Church. But, maybe it would have given me the spiritual foundation I was trying to cobble together for myself by studying religion in an academic way. I don't have daughters, and my sons are really young. I guess I feel like it's too early for me to know if a mission is in any of their best interests. But, I think your final question is a good one for all parents to ask themselves as they decide whether to encourage their children to go on missions. Andrea, so glad to see you here! Maren, what a great post! I hope we’ll see more from you.

I didn’t serve a mission. My hardest times with the Church happened when I was in my late teens and early 20′s. I remember praying about it and feeling like God was giving me that choice. When I hear awful experiences like those of D’arcy, Angie, and Ardis, I think it was really good that I didn’t go–it wouldn’t have taken much to make me leave the Church. But, maybe it would have given me the spiritual foundation I was trying to cobble together for myself by studying religion in an academic way.

I don’t have daughters, and my sons are really young. I guess I feel like it’s too early for me to know if a mission is in any of their best interests. But, I think your final question is a good one for all parents to ask themselves as they decide whether to encourage their children to go on missions.

Andrea, so glad to see you here!

]]> By: Rose http://www.the-exponent.com/2008/06/27/guest-post-the-role-of-women-on-missions/comment-page-1/#comment-7934 Rose Sun, 29 Jun 2008 22:42:34 +0000 http://theexponent.wordpress.com/?p=755#comment-7934 I would absolutely serve a mission again. It was a fantastic experience that allowed me to integrate what I was gaining in my college education (analytical thinking) with my spiritual development. I feel like it was one of the times in my life where I really felt a comfortable balance between the spiritual and the intellectual. And although there were weren't many leadership opportunities for sisters, I always felt like I was just as important. There were sisters conferences and sisters always did just as much training in zone conferences as elders. The sisters were always reminded how much we were watched by the elders and how much of an example we were because of our greater age and experiences. I think the greatest jewel from my mission was watching my mission president and his wife interact. They had the BEST relationship I have ever seen in my life. They were a perfect team. I saw not only their spiritual/leadership side, I also saw the real side, the everyday interaction. I saw my mission president's wife hit my mission president in the butt! (And she is VERY well known in the church.) It was their attitude towards each other, the missionaries (the sisters and the elders) and the church that set the whole tone for the mission. Sure, there were still the off elders that said degrading remarks, but those elders were just super immature and uninformed. I will encourage my two daughters to serve missions, I think it will add to the other experiences I will also encourage them to have. I would absolutely serve a mission again.

It was a fantastic experience that allowed me to integrate what I was gaining in my college education (analytical thinking) with my spiritual development. I feel like it was one of the times in my life where I really felt a comfortable balance between the spiritual and the intellectual.

And although there were weren’t many leadership opportunities for sisters, I always felt like I was just as important. There were sisters conferences and sisters always did just as much training in zone conferences as elders. The sisters were always reminded how much we were watched by the elders and how much of an example we were because of our greater age and experiences.

I think the greatest jewel from my mission was watching my mission president and his wife interact. They had the BEST relationship I have ever seen in my life. They were a perfect team. I saw not only their spiritual/leadership side, I also saw the real side, the everyday interaction. I saw my mission president’s wife hit my mission president in the butt! (And she is VERY well known in the church.)

It was their attitude towards each other, the missionaries (the sisters and the elders) and the church that set the whole tone for the mission. Sure, there were still the off elders that said degrading remarks, but those elders were just super immature and uninformed.

I will encourage my two daughters to serve missions, I think it will add to the other experiences I will also encourage them to have.

]]> By: Andrea Alexander http://www.the-exponent.com/2008/06/27/guest-post-the-role-of-women-on-missions/comment-page-1/#comment-7933 Andrea Alexander Sat, 28 Jun 2008 15:11:13 +0000 http://theexponent.wordpress.com/?p=755#comment-7933 Whoops. I didn't finish my comment, or proof it. I do feel strongly that serving a mission gave me some great tools to use throughout my life as a member-missionary. I feel a lot more comfortable talking about my religion that most of my non RM family and friends. Well, sorry for the typos. I don't know how to proof these comments. I can't even see my entire comment on my computer screen. Maybe it's just my computer. Whoops. I didn’t finish my comment, or proof it. I do feel strongly that serving a mission gave me some great tools to use throughout my life as a member-missionary. I feel a lot more comfortable talking about my religion that most of my non RM family and friends. Well, sorry for the typos. I don’t know how to proof these comments. I can’t even see my entire comment on my computer screen. Maybe it’s just my computer.

]]> By: Andrea Alexander http://www.the-exponent.com/2008/06/27/guest-post-the-role-of-women-on-missions/comment-page-1/#comment-7932 Andrea Alexander Sat, 28 Jun 2008 14:59:12 +0000 http://theexponent.wordpress.com/?p=755#comment-7932 How do I encourage my two sons to serve missions without encouraging my daughter? My mission is the experience that made me a feminist. I was oblivious to the need for feminism prior to this blatently sexist experience. My journey began when I received my copy of "Ye are the Light of the World" handbook sent by the church to sisters prior to 1990. Wow! What a read!! The steriotypes sisters had to deal with at the MTC were terrible -- you were either an ugly looser who didn't get married or if you were attractive, you were trying to seduce all of the elders. My mission brought out my fighting spirit, but it eassily could have crushed me. Not only were sisters not given leadership roles, but you couldn't state any opinions without bruising that priesthood ego. I grew up in a Mormon community, in an active Mormon home, but I had no idea how sexist our church was until my mission. On the positive side, does serving a mission put a girl on equal footing with the know-it-all RM's? After all is said and done, I think I will encourage my daughter to go. Teaching people the gospel really is a rich, joyful experience. How do I encourage my two sons to serve missions without encouraging my daughter? My mission is the experience that made me a feminist. I was oblivious to the need for feminism prior to this blatently sexist experience. My journey began when I received my copy of “Ye are the Light of the World” handbook sent by the church to sisters prior to 1990. Wow! What a read!! The steriotypes sisters had to deal with at the MTC were terrible — you were either an ugly looser who didn’t get married or if you were attractive, you were trying to seduce all of the elders. My mission brought out my fighting spirit, but it eassily could have crushed me. Not only were sisters not given leadership roles, but you couldn’t state any opinions without bruising that priesthood ego. I grew up in a Mormon community, in an active Mormon home, but I had no idea how sexist our church was until my mission. On the positive side, does serving a mission put a girl on equal footing with the know-it-all RM’s? After all is said and done, I think I will encourage my daughter to go. Teaching people the gospel really is a rich, joyful experience.

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