Good luck with your daughter. Like many other of the commenters, I believe you and your husband will be wonderful parents to your daughter. If any parents can help a girl navigate the minefield of Mormonism, you all can.

Regarding answering kids’ questions about things you may not have answers for, I remember a commenter named Obi-Wan once making a suggestion I really liked during a discussion at FMH. (Sorry, I don’t recall when it was or I would link to it.) He suggested bringing up different perspectives by telling kids “Some people think…” I know that sounds trivially simple, but I’ve done that a lot with my kids. They ask about something that’s potentially difficult and I’ll tell them “some people think X” and “some people think Y.” Inevitably, they’ll ask what I think, and I don’t shy away from telling them, even when it’s a church topic and what I believe is totally unorthodox. At least I’ve also made sure to tell them that other people in church believe something different. Anyway, just a thought.

how do you continue to go, having the questions that you have? feeling the hurt that you do? i have found myself almost hiding from church, from my bishop (who isn’t really looking for me anyway).

thank you for posting your heartfelt feelings. it makes me feel so much less alone in this. it seems to me that there are so many more women like us, who have questions, who have been hurt and pushed aside by doctrine.

living up to our greatest gal potential means we have been born to bust open the ceiling after it’s been cracked in about 18 million places.

then, we kick ass.

teach your daugthers this.

have fun doing it.

In general, I question everything that is said. I am that person. I also teach my kids it is okay if they disagree. They do not need to agree with everything spoken in church. They have the right and the responsibility to pray over their beliefs. When truth is spoken, the spirit will testify. Period. The church position held does not give anyone the right to remove free agency or personal revelation.

Bonnie: I appreciate your comments as well. Sometimes it is hard being a questioning woman in this church. Years ago, I was very angry with my mother. I felt that she did not understand me and would never be understood and I disowned her.

Five years later, our relationship is stronger than ever. I have great respect and love for her. I know that she has respect and love for me. Even though she still does not understand my intense reactions to things, she knows that my intentions are good. I realize now it was just as difficult for my mother to have a daughter like me. We have now found great joy in what the other offers.

Although all relationships are different, if I could offer one piece of advice it would be to just listen. Don’t try to fix. Don’t try to minimize or explain away what she is feeling. Many times we have heard all the pat arguments and they do nothing to salve the hurt and confusion that we feel. I have found there are NO good answers to some of my questions. Just try to understand. Good luck to you and your daughter.

My journey seems so parallel to yours, even down to the great-grandmother’s naming of my only daughter. It is amazing to me and so comforting to know there are women out there with the same beliefs and struggles. Sometimes I feel so alone in my surroundings.

“I pray and hope that I never have to explain these things to her, that somehow she will be born with the peace and understanding that I have never been able to find.”

You do not know how many times I have wished to be this woman. I am not. But, it seems like my daughter may be. While I was pregnant, I wanted her to be aggressive, strong, to rise up, and not allow herself to be taken advantage. My daughter is quiet, shy, and extremely gentle and nurturing. How did I have a daughter like this? I do not know.

I do know that she has been so healing for me as a woman and as a mother. I have come to recognize the import of these traits in this world. I understand and appreciate that the world needs girls like her and the world needs girls like me. I believe both are essential in this world.

The birth of my daughter has helped me realize the great power women can hold. How important it is that we support each other, understand each other, and encourage each other to let our unique paths unfold.

I am so excited for you to have a daughter. I hope she will be as healing for you as my daughter was for me. I know that she is very lucky to have you as a mother.