However, what has floored me is the number of names I recognize from the Mormon world. I know people in several local wards, have interacted with leadership of two stakes, and worked at the temple. And there are names that just seem Mormon. The leadership in particular seems to be the larger donors.

There is of course the obvious lack of certain donors (and it is far from a map of local wards and stakes, although it would be cool to use this technology for that). But I am just floored by the observation and am wondering if anyone has any comments in regards.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/08/business/08stream.html?em

http://www.eightmaps.com/

I’ve read your last comment several times, and I have so much empathy for what you are experiencing. I admit that I don’t have a good or helpful reply but here are a couple of thoughts in solidarity anyway.

The thing about prop 8 is that it revealed aspects of Mormon culture that I had never seen played out before in a pragmatic way. It was really chilling to see how eager many in our community were to divide, to accuse, to question faith, etc. Clearly there was a complex blend of group think, authoritarianism, and kinder gentler homophobia at work in a lot of what went on. It is indeed hard to get past that.

You write:
“i should not have to make all the accommodations in order to exist peacefully at church. i should not have to sacrifice my conscience in order to not have my worthiness challenged on a regular basis. i should be able to live a life of conscience without everyone from perfect strangers to my immediate family telling me why i’m following satan.”

As far as I can tell the truth is that within the walls of our wards and in conversation within our faith community we do need to make all the accommodations. Yes it’s wrong but I’m not sure the language exists that could help a certain type of Mormon understand another type of Mormon, or even if that language did exist I doubt that the will to understand exists either.

On the other hand there is a tremendous amount of good that can be done out in the larger world. After an event on Saturday I was approached by a woman who had a lot of anger towards the pro 8 side (Mormon’s in particular) she was shocked to see a Mormon who was against prop 8. We talked for a while and the source of her anger came into focus as she described a relative who just a few days ago told her that her 18 year old gay son is possessed by demons and that’s why he is gay. With tears coming to her eyes this woman asked “Where was she (the relative) the night my son stood in the Kitchen holding a knife to his wrist, wanting to kill himself because there is no place in the world for him? Where was she then?!” This woman’s anger and hurt and love for her son were laid bare in these comments.

All this is to say that, there is a sense that despite all the discomfort at Church, despite being accused, despite biting one’s tongue in the face of many thoughtless comments, despite these things, having the opportunity to listen to and support that woman, and many other people like her, makes dealing with what goes on at church easier. We are in a time of healing a time where empathy and human connection are more necessary than ever. You are right that it is about what we do.

The fact that people interpret that donation as anti-gay and uneducated and worth punishment is troubling. If roles were reversed, there would be a huge outcry and deservedly so.

I’m sad that the rights I want to protect are at odds with rights others want to save, but it’s not going to prevent me from doing and thinking what I believe is right.

I kind of stumbled on this blog while preparing a lesson, so I wasn’t planning on getting sucked into more Prop 8 stuff. I just really hope things settle down, so we can start hearing each other again and not angrily judging.

this kind of behavior happens at church and as a result of mormon culture and attitudes all the time. and i am just so tired because of it. i acknowledge my own responsibility. i recognize that i need to focus on being charitable and compassionate in how i understand others at church. i try, all the time, to extend the benefit of the doubt. but i am just so tired–so tired of trying to make excuses, to explain, to justify behavior that destroys my peace of mind and of conscience. and i am tired of having more mainstream mormons not extend the same courtesy in return but, instead, leap to conclusions about my worthiness, my beliefs, and my character. this is a two-way street. i should not have to make all the accommodations in order to exist peacefully at church. i should not have to sacrifice my conscience in order to not have my worthiness challenged on a regular basis. i should be able to live a life of conscience without everyone from perfect strangers to my immediate family telling me why i’m following satan.

last night i listened to a review of a recent documentary about lee atwater. while concluding, the reviewer made the comment that atwater discovered that it’s not who we (think we) are but what we actually do that matters. and that is the place i am in. it’s not who we (think we) are as mormons, but what we actually do. it’s not who i (think i) am, but what i actually do. and that–not some silliness or my petty hang-ups about other people–is the source of my wondering whether i can continue to affiliate myself through practice with mormonism.

what good is my life if i do not *do* what i know to be good and true? if practicing mormonism prevents me from doing that, i will not practice mormonism. and i think god understands. i don’t think it jeopardizes my salvation. because ultimately salvation is also about what we *do*; it’s not about who we (or others) think we are.

I am sure that the Lord and/or the prophet knew that members would be targets of this anger and yet thought it well-worth the risk to encourage members to donate anyways. Do you think the prophet should have included a warning about this in the materials urging members to donate in support of the Prop?

I have grown weary of people saying that the Church should be Christlike and compassionate. It is. Christ loves everyone, yes, but he does not support actions contrary to the Gospel.

It is actually the “no” side that could take a few Christian lessons. They’ve already tried to hurt my husband’s career because he donated money.

And would you then feel that that organization was doing something ‘christ-like’ and compassionate?

And…please don’t question Amelia’s righteousness or that of anyone else on this site. Such writings are not only unkind, but also violate our comment policy. Further comments in this vein will be deleted.