I will admit to having had some bitter feelings in my 20’s and 30’s about being single and childless. Maybe that’s normal – to mourn lost hopes and dreams. However, it now seems like it was such a waste of time to worry and be bitter about something that I didn’t seem to have much control over. I finally realized that I was worrying about eternal issues with an earthly mind. At 47 years old, I am not going to be having children, even though I have been promised in blessings that I will have children. I don’t think that the blessings are wrong or that I’m any less worthy than someone who has children. I just think that my timing is different from the promise of children. Earth life is such a tiny tunnel and people rarely think outside of it.

Sometimes we focus too much on goals that were really never meant to be for us right now. Everyone’s purpose on earth is different. We shouldn’t be worrying about a checklist of accomplishments; we should be asking God what our unique mission is. If a woman is not married and has no children to raise, then I believe that there’s a reason for it. We have been given extra time from raising families to accomplish something else. It doesn’t have to change the world, but it might change the world around us. That’s why I think that it’s such a waste of time to worry about what we don’t have; it takes our focus off of what we could be doing.

As far as living in the here and now and not worrying about the future, I believe that’s called faith. Faith is when you live the best life you can and stop worrying about what you can’t fix, change, or control. That’s when you literally lay your agency at Jesus’ feet and say to Him that you will trust that He will lead you down the path you need to travel, even if it doesn’t end where you wanted.

Let’s not forget – earth life has a happy ending. The journey is rough, but the end is glorio

Richard G. Scott once gave an excellent conference talk about separating your culture from the gospel, recognizing which of the former are contrary to the latter and jettisoning those. I took a hard look at my North American, Anglo life after hearing that talk and changed a number of things that I realized where simply cultural that I and many of my LDS friends had been treating as compatible with gospel living. It was a great process to go through. And my life is sweeter for it.

Sounds to me like you’re doing some similar sorting.

Just don’t confuse the cultural perspectives on life with gospel perspectives. We tend to think that because many people in our ward/branch/church say or think a certain way, that must be the official stance of the church, or the approved way of thinking or doing things. Often it isn’t. Peaceably living true to the perspective you find right and true can be enlightening to your fellow saints and helpful to them.

But it’s got to be done peacefully. Doing it with anger or frustration reduces your ability to help others catch the vision.

I’m regularly confused by the tense relationship that the church has with single sisters, like me. I’m getting a little tired of being the recipient of so much sympathy.

i think this tension results from the church stressing ends (marriage; having children; whatever the end is) rather than means. in my opinion, if we would stop paying so much attention to where we want to end up, and instead spend more attention to where we are and how to live that moment fully and in a christlike fashion, we’d avoid this kind of unnecessary tension. and i don’t think it would come at the cost of family or any other end that we would see as desirable.

the church does this a lot. it wants to argue that certain things–gender, family, marriage, etc.–are innate and so core to eternal nature that they can’t be dislodged. but then they want to prescribe how to enact them. if they’re actually innate, there shouldn’t be a need for prescription.

So, the pity party thrown by some ward members and (sometimes) my bishopric is annoying. Men often whisper when something about my marital status comes up, as if it was a secret. Women’s eyes well up when they watch me frolic with the children in nursery, and they whisper that I would make a great mother.

Yeah, I know.

It’s hard to get angry about this attention, because I feel that it is kindly meant. Obviously, these people are happy, and they want me to be happy too. I wish there was a way to convince them that there is more than one happy path through life.

I am beginning to think that everyones milestones are different. It is to bad our culture has set up some that are becoming increasingly hard for all of us to achive. I am trying to teach my kids differently and that they have to find happiness in other ways then the old “I will be happy when or I am spiritual because”. The only way I have thought to teach them is that they don’t know the path their life will take, I have even taught my girls to have a plan if there is no marriage or children. I hope it helps them to live in the now and be happy no matter what comes up in their lives.

zenaida: what do i think of elder faust’s article? i think it’s pretty typical. harmless enough in most ways. not incredibly helpful. i appreciate his effort to say some of these same things, but i feel like the subsequent effort to offer consolation prizes (parenting nieces and nephews, etc.) robs the effort of its value. talking about singles as if they’re some category of “those in need”…well, that really rubs me the wrong way.

i like my gospel of christ simple. love people. don’t love them because they fit into some category of “those in need.” just love them. honestly and simply. at the moment i don’t think the institutional church does a very great job of making that a reality. i don’t think president faust’s words in that article are going to result in much honest, simple love. i think they’re more likely to result in charity projects, of which i’m not a big fan.