Comments on: Exponent II Classics: The Public vs. the Private Image

By: *Camille

*Camille — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 20:50:09 +0000

I can completly relate to this article…on so many levels.
*As a young mom with two little girls my husband and I were living in a 700sq foot apartment in San Diego…new to the ward & area I called my RS President to ask if she knew a painter. I was looking to paint some wall and her response was “Why don’t you just do it yourself?” I assured her I would rather pay someone and she persisted that it was “so easy”. My husband was working 100+ hours a week in his medical residency and painting was the last thing I wanted to do…that conversation with my RS President was at 9pm. After hanging up the phone, I woke both of my girls up, hauled them to Home Depot, bought paint, and went home and painted those walls until 3 in the morning. Almost out of spite. In my mind “yep, I’m that Mormon mommy who CAN do it all” when I really just wanted some HELP, some understanding, a name of a painter.
*Now, as a mother of 3 little girls…I worry even more with this “sterotype”…you are SO RIGHT when you say it starts so young…how many times have we heard mothers describe thier littel 2-3 year olds as “petite” “girly” “like a princess” “tiny”…when if you think about it, aren’t the majority of 2-3 year old girls all those things??? Why don’t we describe our daughters as “creative” “smart” “athletic” “strong” “sweet” “loving” instead.
*On a different note…where do we draw the line when it comes to discussing things that happen within our homes? We have all heard the saying “airing your dirty laundry”. I think it is a hard balance, because we do want to be there for each other but the reality is people usually don’t want to hear it. I was attending an adult LDS only party a few weeks ago and the conversation did turn to masterbation in a “joking” way with the men sharing stories…where do we draw that line of “see, I’m a liberal Mormon and I’m not afriad to talk about these things” but it’s almost as people are pushed to that point where they feel like they are proving a point discussing these “hot” topics. Does this make sense?
*There is so much more I could say, so many more concerns I have…*camille

By: LCM

LCM — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 12:00:17 +0000

The valley I grew up in was so judgmental and everyone was in everyone else’s business, that some people were even afraid to go to their Bishop because they knew he ‘shared’ with his family. Later, as a married mom, we moved to a ward and a woman was teaching a lesson in RS about the word of wisdom. She started out by telling how unworthy she felt to teach this because of problems in her family. I was secretly thinking, no, no, no! Don’t admit that! Then another woman raised her hand and talked about a grandson in rehab and a few more women shared stories. No one was whipping out their cell to text the info to someone and everyone was just enjoying the lesson and togetherness. Then I thought, that’s how it’s really supposed to be. We are to support each other, not pass along the church gossip.

By: Kelly Ann

Kelly Ann — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 23:57:03 +0000

Deborah, how lucky you are to have such an amazing mother. I love recognizing the humanness in our communities. I still remember a comment from a bishopric member in an interview when I was a young woman, “we don’t need to worry about you.” That wasn’t true then and definitely is not true now. I think it is unfair to assume some have reached perfection even if they are doing “well”.

By: Deborah

Deborah — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 02:11:40 +0000

Thanks, Emily! I hadn’t seen this one before . . . My mom enjoyed the trip down memory lane, too, and noted that it seems just as relevant now as when she wrote it 30 years ago.

By: Dora

Dora — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 13:07:41 +0000

What a wonderful article!

The gets to the very heart of effort versus achievement praise. Studies have shown that when children are praised for their efforts (You worked so hard on that! Good job!), they gain a sense of accomplishment and are ready to try ever increasingly difficult tasks. However, when children are praised solely for achievement or state (You’re so pretty! You’re so smart!), it becomes more difficult for them to try harder tasks, since they fear failure (loss of praise for their state) eve more.

One of the reasons I love Exponent II is that it is a place where women can share their struggles, their vulnerabilities, their problems, and how they did or attempted to solve them. And that’s how I grow. It does me no good to look on a finished image of the champion at the finish race; it helps me infinitely more to see a fellow struggler work through their challenges. More to the point, I value Christ’s sacrifice in the 33rd year more because I have an inkling about what he sacrificed and overcame in the premortal and mortal existence. So thanks, to everyone who thoughtfully shares their own experiences. It helps.

By: Velska

Velska — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 12:49:05 +0000

Yes, it would be so good to learn to share the good, the bad and the ugly. If for nothing else, because we all have some of each.

And by sharing experiences — the struggles as well as the successes — we can learn from each other and carry each others’ burdens.

Straight talk, please.

By: Caroline

Caroline — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 05:09:50 +0000

Wonderful, wonderful article.

“the hope and courage their honesty gave me”

That’s exactly how I feel when someone in my ward is brave enough to be vulnerable and admit sadness, confusion, or anger.