Are you my mother?

By Kelsi

mirror-1548409-639x852I didn’t know you were missing
For over twenty years.
Hushed whispers and defeaning silence
So loud I didn’t know I could hear it
Filled the spaces
Between God and I.

I never thought to ask
Never thought to look
Until I did
And now I cannot stop

I’ve been told
You’re locked away in a tower somewhere
For your own safety
From me.
But I think they are overestimating my strength
And underestimating yours.
I we couldn’t hurt you if I tried.
What hurts is separation
And distance
And the things I cannot remember.
So I am searching for you
High and low
If they locked you away in a far away tower
Like a princess in a fairytale
Then I will let you out.

I find glimpses
Traces
Reflections

I look for you in Eve
From rib and dust
And breath and blood
Partaking of the forbidden fruit
Mothering us all

I search for you in Aphrodite, Venus, Pavarti
Beauty and love
Strength and power

I wonder about you when I read of Asherah and Wisdom in Proverbs and Psalms
Have you always been there?
Hidden in beautiful words.

I look for you in the Mary’s
From birth to death
Standing by

I search for you in Emma
Letting go of her children
Safely on this side of the Mississippi

I wonder about you as I watch my sisters
Struggling to be enough

I don’t know where you are
Or why you aren’t here
Or if you are already here.
But I continue to knock
At Father’s door
Pleading to find you
Once more.

 

About Kelsi:
1. The song “Yellow” by Coldplay was written about her.
2. She is a vampire.
3. Her favorite funny quote about reading is “I’m not convinced I know how to read, I just memorized a lot of words.”
4. She is obsessed with Regency/Victorian era literature, fashion from the 20’s, 40’s, and 50’s, and music from the 60’s, 80’s, and 00’s.
5. During her free time you might find her writing, cooking, eating, practicing yoga, meditating, listening to a podcast or music, knitting, or reading.  But most likely you’ll find her binge watching Netflix and following Taylor Swift’s twitter account.

 

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11 Responses

  1. Caroline says:

    Beautiful poem, Kelsi. It resonates with me. The idea that HM can’t be talked about because HF wants to protect her is just insulting, as well as stupid. I figure the reason she’s buried is because well-meaning but limited humans on earth have buried her, against HM and HF’s wishes — and it’s our job to bring her out into the light.

    • Kelsi Moore says:

      Thank you! I completely agree. I think that if my dad kept my mom in a separate room and never let me talk to her it wouldn’t be love, it would be abuse.

  2. Violadiva says:

    This is a lovely poem, with such tender and poignant sentiments. It’s simultaneously sad and hopeful, because although it wasn’t us who locked her away in that tower, it can only be us who gets her out!

    I like this line “What hurts is separation
    And distance
    And the things I cannot remember.”

    so sad for us that we don’t know what we don’t know. How i wish we did.

  3. spunky says:

    This is very powerful, Kelsi. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts of Her with us. I’m not convinced of eternal gender, so I wonder if She is there, or even if He is there. But I love your musing, and think that I might be better at ease with talk of Mormon heaven if She were a real part of the picture.

    Gratitude!

    • Kelsi Moore says:

      Thank you for your kind words! It is hard because we really don’t know what God is like gender wise. I’m interested to know more about what you think.

  4. Liz says:

    I love this poem, and I also love your bio – I feel like we would have fun together. 🙂

  5. Thank you for sharing your poetry with us! I loved the comparison to a princess in a tower (and don’t love that we really do act is if She were that.)

  6. EmilyCC says:

    Kelsi, this poem is such a perfect way to show people the longing so many of us feel about HM. I hope we’ll see more of your work here soon.

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