How It Happened

Trigger warning: brief descriptions of sexual abuse.

I began this post a few weeks ago in an effort to exorcise a demon. And then, Todd Aiken said something stupid. Suddenly the internet was awash with outrage and stories, and I hesitated. Why should I expose a tender spot on my soul when there are men like that in the world? What good could it possibly do? Well, if something like this happened to me, growing up in a predominantly Mormon neighborhood, surrounded by active, engaged LDS family members and friends, in an ideal Mormon setting, then how many women are out there with an experience like mine, and no outlet? And, I decided I didn’t want to be part of the silence that allows those people to gain power and perpetuate attitudes that blame women; attitudes that foster complete and willful ignorance of biology.

I had a step-cousin who molested me.

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Are You PMS-ing?

When irritation begins to perk it’s ears at my emotional state, often one of the first questions I’ll hear from a particular friend is “Are you PMS-ing?”

No, actually, I am not.  And, now my irritation is harder to ignore because you want to invalidate my feelings by chalking them up to hormones.

(Wait maybe I am PMS-ing, because now that comment is really getting to me, and now I feel guilty for directing my irritation at you… SPIRAL!)

As a feminist, the real crux is physiology and how that should/does affect our behaviors

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How Do I Talk To My Orthodox Relatives?

As someone who has a less orthodox view, I offered to write up a post about how to communicate with True Believing Mormon family members, and in typical form, I blanked, and avoided, and mulled, and false started, and gave up, and started again, and here I am am more than a month later.  The truth is… I don’t really know.


I’ve always been the type to try and see both sides of an issue.  This usually elicits a comment from my mother on my suitability for a career in politics, and by her tone, it’s not a good thing. 

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Follow my Lead

Follow my Lead

Posted by Zenaida

Recently I had a fabulous opportunity to attend a swing dancing workshop. It was so much fun!  It was really satisfying to immerse myself in learning a skill.  At the end I felt like I had made new friends, challenged myself, and learned something more about myself.  Though, also by the end, I felt like I was saturated with being a Follow.

“The Lead’s role is to create and direct momentum.  The Follow’s role is to maintain momentum and follow the lead.  Both partners may add their own styling.”  One moment that stood out to me was being shown that without the lead, the follow does not have directional movement.  She must move her feet in one position until the lead directs her.  Implementing this piece of advice created a partnership that turned out something fluid and beautiful.  Once the Leads learned to communicate clearly, and the Follows learned to listen clearly, then the dancers on the floor began gliding effortlessly in the twisty circles of the dance.

It is not easy to be a Follow.   You have to concentrate on listening and not insert your own interpretation over what is being communicated.  Sometimes this is very difficult because everyone communicates differently.  It really is fun to learn the cipher for each dancer.   But, I couldn’t help but envy the challenges of the Lead.  This seems like the creative center with the decision-making power and the responsibility to insert musicality and style. But, that wasn’t my role!!

I have resolved to learn to lead, but what man would follow Me??

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All the Single Sisters

Posted by Zenaida

A friend of mine sent me this site as a way to cope with being single:

First of all…cope with being single?!  Does anyone else see a problem with this thinking?  But, I know what it feels like.  When our eternal reward is Exaltation in the Celestial Kingdom, and that is dependent on Celestial marriage, how can we not feel eternal pressure to find a companion?

And second, the judgements being passed throughout the article are a little disturbing.  The giggly freshman is described as a pretty, immodestly dressed, ditzy youngster still in her teens or just barely leaving them behind.  She stays in school just long enough to land a husband and waltzes out of school to replace her husband’s mother in domestic duties.

I think that’s a bit unfair.  Focussed on a certain demographic, and just trying to make oneself feel better at someone else’s expense.  “Well, we wouldn’t want them anyway, because if they made a choice like that, then clearly they don’t have our values.”  While this may have truth in it, it doesn’t seem to be fair in the large scale, and it doesn’t make me feel any better.

All the good ones are not taken. Why? Because a good one would spot your intelligent, confident, well-rounded, independent personality from a mile away, and he hasn’t seen you yet. So bring on the tube tops, the rejects are blocking our view!

So, if I never get married, does that mean that there actually aren’t any good men, and the earth will be populated by shallow, domesticated females bound to shallow, hormone driven men?  Please.

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