“Take a compliment!”

That’s what the older gentleman called out to me as I was buying lunch at the beach. I had on a tank top and a maxi skirt. That’s all it took to warrant him shouting out to me in public, “You got a nice shape, baby!” For the first few seconds after, I felt so uncomfortable. It was one thing for a close friend or family member to say that I look good; it’s another to hear it from a random stranger in a loud populated area, for all to hear. Deciding to not let him get away with such callous behavior, I confidently shouted back at him, “Go away!”

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New Series: Queer Mormon Women*

Queer Mormon Women*

This new series from The Exponent features Queer Mormon Women*.  Join us as we hear the experiences, voices, stories, and musings of Mormon people who identify in some way with being a woman, being Mormon, and being queer!  The series is written by several queer Mormon women*, which we all hope will provide greater visibility and reach for queer perspectives.

Click HERE to find all the published posts in the series, to date.

* * *

First things first: what do all these terms even mean!?

Why do we use an asterisk after women?  Why do we use the term “queer”?  Why aren’t all LGBT women just called lesbians?  Why do we need all the letters in LGBTQIA+?  What does the plus sign stand for?  Let’s give you a brief overview, that covers these terms, but doesn’t necessarily represent all queer experiences.

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“Selma” & “She’s Beautiful When She’s Angry”: A Review

In a rare occurrence for this poor recent college graduate, I treated myself to seeing several movies in theaters over the past month, two of which were Selma and She’s Beautiful When She’s Angry. As an African-American female, both movies touched, educated, and inspired me. So it seemed fitting to attempt a combined review of these powerful activist films on the day we celebrate the Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

With all the recent events happening in Ferguson and beyond, it is so important now than ever to realize black lives matter (I would say that it’s important to remember black lives matter, but in this country, I don’t think we ever even knew that). Throughout the showing of Selma, all I could think of were the current protests happening. In the dark theater, I thought of how many people say they respect and admire Dr. King and would have fought for Civil Rights, but in the same breath, denounce the current protests going on today. To me, they are one and the same.

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Underbelly

In this short post, I want to ask, Who are we forgetting? Who are we leaving out?

In the ongoing journey for equality and civil rights for all, often times we forget about the underbelly of society (underbelly meaning hidden or vulnerable).

I currently work at a non-profit that works with active drug users and sex workers. A population that society has forgotten. A population that my organization seeks to include in conversations relating to policy and health. We constantly search each day for methods to better the lives of this group and to make them feel included within society. We work with those who are transgender and seek to protect their best interests with their help and input.

At our monthly trans support group last month, one transwoman remarked how she never leaves home without her long metal chain. It’s the only way she’s feels protected and it’s the only way she can guarantee her safety. Another transwoman from the group mentioned how often she has faced discrimination in searching and keeping jobs.

I live a bustling metropolis that prides itself on its open-mindedness and liberalness. How do we still have people feeling unsafe and unwelcome here? How do we do nothing to include them in conversations regarding their problems and safety? For such an open minded city, we close our ears to those in our midst whose voices need to be heard more than ours.

And so it is within the modern Mormon feminist movement. At least in my eyes.

We have made great strides in our community in making Mormonism more vast and egalitarian. We pride ourselves on being more open to change than the traditional orthodox LDS Church members. We’re ahead of the curve.

Yet….

When we talk about feminism, are we including transwomen into our conversations?

When we talk about equality (within and outside of the Church), why do we often forget our sisters of color?

When we talk about defending ourselves from the patriarchy, do we also include those who are gay, lesbian, or queer?

Courtesy of mormonfeminist.org

I still read and hear stories of Mormon women of color who still feel left out of the conversation (myself included). It is painfully obvious that there are few voices in our movement from those who are LGBTQ. And is there even a space for those  among us who are transwomen? Just because the numbers are small, doesn’t mean their voices shouldn’t be heard or included.

So, who are we forgetting? And how can we remember them?

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Should Women’s Meeting be part of General Conference?

womens meetingThere was quite the kerfuffle over Women’s Meeting a couple weeks ago. Prior to the meeting, Ordain Women supporters pointed out that “the General Women’s Meetings are not considered part of general conference. They are auxiliary meetings and, as such, represent women’s secondary status in the LDS Church.”

But during General Women’s Meeting, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said that “we open another general conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints” and referred to the five sessions of General Conference to follow as the “remaining sessions of our worldwide general conference” as  if Women’s Meeting were the first.  The Salt Lake Tribune reported that “for the first time, the charismatic German leader described the meeting as the opening session of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints’ 184th Semiannual General Conference. Until now, General Conference has referred only to the two-day gatherings held during the first weekends of April and October, with the women’s meeting seen as a separate event.” Some feminists rejoiced because women’s status was improving in the Church and some anti-feminists gloated that General Women’s Meeting had always been a session of General Conference and Ordain Women simply didn’t have their facts straight.

However, the following Saturday morning,

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But what if everybody has sex?

You might think that Mormons should be able to avoid having sex when we work with colleagues of the opposite sex, since many of us manage to abstain from sex with our own fiancés. However, Mormons aren’t too sure about that, judging from how often the objection, “But what if everybody has sex?” is raised when we talk about women’s ordination to the priesthood and how that could lead to the possibility of having mixed gender branch presidencies, bishoprics, high councils and stake presidencies. Many Mormons claim that women and men could never work in church presidencies together because committing adultery is a practically inevitable outcome of working several hours per week with members of the opposite sex.

I have not served in a mixed gender presidency since the powers that be wised up and outlawed female Sunday School secretaries—a necessary move to safeguard male Sunday School presidents and their male counselors from the lurid influence of a sex object/notetaker. However, I consider myself to be somewhat of an expert on the topic of not having sex with colleagues of the opposite sex because I have been employed throughout my whole marriage, working in mixed gender offices, and yet I have never committed adultery once! Really! I should get some sort of award.

Spouse of the Year: Didn't even commit adultery

Today, I am sharing how I successfully abstain from extramarital sex in hopes of preparing our community for a future in which men and women can serve together in church presidencies without having orgies.

Strategy 1: Keep your clothes on.
I never get naked during business meetings, even if the room is hot. Or even if the coworker is hot! I also stay dressed when working alone in my own cubicle—a simple precaution in case someone walks by seeking sex.

Strategy 2: Just say no.

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