Years ago, when I was dealing with depression that resulted from a move and the associated massive changes in my life, I sought out an LDS counsellor. I had gone to some counselling sessions at LDS Family Services, but the counsellors there were all men, and I felt the absence of female empathy and direction. I wanted an LDS counsellor because much of my angst was church related. In hindsight, I understand that I sought spiritual advice from a woman, but given the patriarchal structure of the church, only could comprehend female, Mormon, inspired, advice could come from a woman who was a professional counsellor. I do not believe this now. Anyway.

 

Prior to this move, I found it easy to meet and make friends, sometimes LDS, sometimes not, so had not shied away from moving to new places and trying new things. But this move was different. I chose to move where my husband was going to school and had family, far from my friends, and very different to any other place I had chosen to live previously. The place, the people, and the situation were different and foreign. In this, I suddenly found myself an outsider in a close-knit community. I sought the companionship of female friends, but found it very difficult to meet people. A deep loneliness set in, resulting in depression. Although previously disinterested in Relief Society and its structured friendships, I chose to embrace Relief Society with the expectation of making new friends, even if they were assigned.

 

It didn’t go well.

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This year, the 171st anniversary of the establishment of the first Relief Society falls on Sunday, 17 March 2013. With this, an opportunity is created for branches and wards throughout the world to have sacrament meeting on this day devoted to Mormon women and the Relief Society. What’s that you say? Mother’s Day is all about women? No. It is not. Mother’s Day is about mothers. Although all mothers are women, not all women are mothers. This is a chance for all church members to gather, teach and learn about the contribution of women who are devoted to Christ.

True to my conscience, I emailed my Relief Society president with this suggestion. She responded by asking my for listed talks and special musical numbers that I thought would be fitting. I was happily surprised that my email had been noticed so quickly, so spent a day asking what others thought about topics for talks about women. My response is included below, and although it is specific to my ward, the same topics can be adapted to any ward or branch in the church.

Please join us in encouraging leaders at a local level to enlist Sunday, 17 March 2013 with a Sacrament Meeting program dedicated to Mormon women of the Relief Society.

 

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 As part of her New Year’s resolution, a friend of mine is trying to watch a few TED talks a week.  Together we were revisiting Brene Brown’s moving TED talk on vulnerability as a key to emotional connection and I was struck by her use of the word, “worthiness.” (Many, hopefully most, of you have seen this talk, it was given in 2010. If you haven’t seen it, I’d suggest you take 20 min and watch it, especially with someone you love. It’s well worth the time). MRaynes blogged about Dr. Brown’s book here.

In Mormon culture, we hear worthiness so often associated with a checklist of behaviors we may or may not do, according to current church teachings and policies (these have changed widely over the years).  Even things as small as the number of earrings a girls wears, the length of her hem, or if she wears a skirt or pants to church may fall into the worthiness category.  For me, the notion of worthiness sometimes brings with it feelings of guilt of not being perfect. Perhaps this has to do with how worthiness is gauged by someone outside ourselves, often a priesthood leader.  Also, there are so many categories to measure our worthiness, we’re bound to not hit them all, and often feel guilty about our shortcomings.  Additionally, I wonder if it’s also part of a culture of guilt within Mormonism.  Needless to say, worthiness is not a word that makes me feel warm and fuzzy.  I’ve never really associated it with connection to others or really even about something I would determine for myself.

That was why I was so surprised that Dr. Brown describes the main difference between two groups of people: those who feel strong connections with others and those who don’t, as an issue of worthiness.

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By Vada
Vada blogs at http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/ 

“[M]iracle[s] can happen and will happen when there is kindness, respect, and love. Why do any of us have to be so mean and unkind to others? Why can’t all of us reach out in friendship to everyone about us? Why is there so much bitterness and animosity? It is not a part of the gospel of Jesus Christ.”
–President Gordon B. Hinckley, “The Need for Greater Kindness”, May 2006 Ensign

I think the subject of this lesson gets straight to the heart of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  During His life, Jesus Christ was a wonderful example of kindness and love.  He did not teach anger, bitterness or judgment.  Rather than judge the woman caught in adultery he said to her accusers, “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.”  When they all left in shame, He said to the woman, “Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.” (John 8:7-11)  He himself was without sin, and could have condemned her for the mistakes she had made, but he didn’t.  He forgave her.  Why then do we, who have all sinned, think that we should judge others for their sins?

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Guest Post by Kristel

Kristel is a life-long member of the church living in Australia.  She served a mission in New Mexico, and is wide open for life to bring her adventure.  She is one of six children, enjoys landscape photography, fishing and travelling.

 

Growing up I had always heard words to the effect of, “if you are struggling, find ways to serve others”.  Thinking about those words when I was in a period of hopelessness and emptiness bugged me a little – those words were not what I wanted to hear – how could I possibly motivate myself to find ways to do something for someone else! What about ME?? If I’m the one struggling – people need to help me….right?

These words eventually rang true to me when I served an LDS mission. On my mission in New Mexico, I came to know of the joy of helping, sharing and supporting others in need. Ultimately, I learnt that I am truly the one that benefits most from doing something for someone else.

And then… In 2011, after 2 1/2 years of my own personal “to hell and back” painful divorce experience, I found myself in a position to take advantage of a long life dream to travel through Africa.

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On Being a Woman:

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