Just before the presidential election NPR’s This American Life had an episode titled “Red State Blue State” that talked about the well-known divide of right versus left in American politics.  It told stories of close friends and family members who don’t speak to each other anymore because of politics, then discussed a new book titled You’re Not as Crazy as I Thought (But You’re Still Wrong) by Jacob Hess (who is Mormon and conservative) and Phil Neisser (who is not religious and liberal).  Hess and Neisser believe that civilized, useful political dialogue is possible if the two parties stop trying to change each other and start listening.  I said something similar here recently.

So I wonder, are the contentious conversations I sometimes experience and that Hess and Neisser have written a book about the norm?  Or are they less common than they seem?  Please take our poll and let us know how you experience political conversations.

In the comments, please tell us what has worked for you to make your political discussions amicable.

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We are one week away from a huge cultural event…the inauguration of a new princess. The major news networks have a countdown to the royal wedding and are gleefully reporting any trivial detail they can get their hands on.  It is estimated that two billion people worldwide will tune in to see Will and Kate take their vows. And there is no doubt that every aspect of the celebration will be dissected, analyzed and copied. As a Mormon aside, royal wedding dresses tend to be modest so be prepared to see replicas of Kate’s dress on temple grounds around the world.

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I just got back from DC. I’ve been to DC before. I’ve seen the sights, haunted the galleries, gaped at the Star Spangled Banner. When my kids were little a friend arranged a tour of the West Wing for us. The image my kids most vividly remember is a rubber ax one of the West Wingers had. Every time you whacked it, the ax whistled and screamed. Presumably this got used for tax cuts. This time my husband, our now grown son and I took a Segway tour. My son, a DC resident since August, says that locals laugh at the helmeted tourists wending their way through our nation’s capital on these funky vehicles. But we were game.

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by mraynes

As a feminist, I have been encouraged by the Church’s rhetoric on the equality of women and men, especially as it relates to marriage.  I think that we can all agree that an increase in egalitarian language is a good thing and benefits both men and women.  But language can only take us so far and I am truly afraid that the church’s language on equal partnership is just empty rhetoric.

Since the 1970′s, the Church has steadily become more progressive in its treatment of women…allowing women to speak in most meetings and giving them an increased presence in leadership councils.  Church leaders also started promoting the idea of equal partnership in the home and then subsequently backed off draconian birth control restrictions and limits on women leaving the domestic sphere.  But I have to wonder how much of this has been done out of political necessity; American women saw greater equality in mainstream society and so the church had to follow suit.

Before I go on, I want to say that I sincerely hope the church believes its own rhetoric and that it isn’t a ploy to mollify us Western women.  I want to believe that our leaders have been inspired by God to reach for equality because that is the kind of God I believe in.  Perhaps I am, as my brother-in-law lovingly suggests, a “fringe” Mormon but even so, I love my religion just as much as any true-blue Mormon there ever was.  I have stayed a Mormon because I believe that progress is slowly being made and I want to be among the snowflakes that finally break the branch of inequality in our religion.  Mostly, I want to live the religion of my heart.

But recently I have felt my heart break because I am not sure that I can continue to believe in the slow progress.  Yes, we have seen an increase in the language of egalitarianism but the Church’s actions do not back it up.  Until recently, most of us believed that the Church remained neutral in political matters, however Mormon activism to protect the traditional family around the world has been going on for at least a decade.  Mormons have played a leading role in a global alliance of conservative Muslims and Christians who have joined together to defeat threats to their patriarchal tradition.  Perhaps you have heard the now folkloric story of the BYU professor who attended a United Nations conference and gave a speech based on the Proclamation on the Family and changed the anti-traditional family course of the conference.  Spurred on by this success, BYU created the World Family Policy Center, holding annual conferences for “pro-family” entities around the world.  The Church also became involved with organizations such as United Families International (UTI) and the World Congress of Families (WCF).  In fact, the Church is a major funder of the World Congress of Families and sent Bruce C. Hafen to speak at their conference in 2007.  (As an aside, the WCF’s screed on feminism and the family is the funniest thing you’ll read all day). 

It is the mission of these organizations to influence international policy in pro- traditional family and anti- gay marriage and abortion ways.  I am not against protecting, supporting and promoting the family; generally I am pretty pro-family, as evidenced by my two children in three years, but families that do not guarantee an equally beneficial experience for all those involved should not be supported.   These organizations have, unfortunately, targeted International treaties like the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW) which call on signatory countries to foster equality and make progress towards eliminating sexism in both national laws and cultural practices.  CEDAW is basically the international bill of rights for women.  As somebody who practically ate, drank and breathed CEDAW in college, I know the immense good this particular convention did for women around the world but also how ineffectual it could be because of the conservative factions of signatory countries that refused to follow all of the guidelines. 

The executive director at BYU’s World Family Policy Center told a reportert hat the United Nations conventions are an issue because they “appeared to be a pretty concerted effort to shape customary international law into, essentially, the Equal Rights Amendment.”  But is anyone else wondering if an Equal Rights Amendment for countries like Saudi Arabia and India would be such a bad thing?  Would it be such a bad thing for female fetuses to be guaranteed the right to life or for little girls to go to school without acid being flung in their eyes?  Is being able to escape an abusive marriage really a threat to the traditional family?  The answer is, of course, yes; any gains made in the rights of women are a threat to patriarchal tradition.  The question is now, does our church really want to follow this tradition?

It would seem that the lack of answers is really the answer.  Of course our church leaders could change things if they wanted to.  The preside language is incomprehensible and could be gotten rid of tomorrow without changing the majority of Mormon marriages.  Likewise, the “hearken” covenant could be done away with without fundamentally changing the endowment.  And yet neither is likely to happen; they are not likely to happen because their is no desire or impetus to change.  Instead we have gotten into bed with facets of religion and culture that hold equal partnership between men and women in complete disregard.  I am afraid that here, actions speak louder than words.

As for those of us on the fringe, all we can do is keep hanging out on that tree branch and hope that God sends an avalanche some day soon.

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By: mraynes

Tomorrow we will elect the next president of the United States.  In honor of this occasion and as a tribute to that old feminist adage that “the personal is political,” I am re-posting something that I wrote at my personal blog, First Fig.  It reflects on one point where the two intersect for me.  I would love to hear where the personal and political meet for you.  Oh, and go vote!

There are very few things in this world that I feel more passionately about than pregnancy and childbirth.  My own experience with both have been so emotive, terrifying, joyous and overwhelming; rarely have I felt more powerful and vulnerable than when I am pregnant or giving birth.  These have been transcendent experiences for me.  I am a better person for going through the indignities of being pregnant and giving life to two beautiful children.  I am a better person because pregnancy and birth require sacrifice.

Obviously the sacrifice of the physical body is necessary when pregnant.  A woman has no choice but to share food and nutrients with the growing child.  Often times that foetus acts like a parasite, leeching calcium from a woman’s bones.  In my case, my babies stole my thyroid hormone, making it difficult for me to function normally.  As the baby grows, you helplessly watch as your body contorts and balloons into a shape that is so unrecognizable that you can’t help but question whether it is your reflection in the mirror.  Then, of course, there are the hormones.  The hormones that make it difficult to string together a coherent sentence.  The hormones that create bone-deep weariness.  The hormones that make you question the intentions of every one around you, including those who are closest to you.

But perhaps it is the smallest indignities that hurt the most.  Like not being able to tie your shoes or the constant heartburn.  Like having to say no to chocolate cake because of the gestational diabetes that makes your babies gigantic.  Like not being able to get out of bed without assistance or having your back ache so badly that it brings tears to your eyes.  Like being unable to pick up your oldest child and hold him close to you.  Like foregoing sex with the father of your children and the man you love more than anything because you are so big that he can’t get within an arm’s length of you.

This doesn’t even take into account what happens during birth.  Nobody tells you about the doctors that treat you like a mentally challenged child.  Nobody tells you that  your legs will be forced back to your ears, exposing your most vulnerable parts to the cold air and the stares of anybody who passes by.  Nobody talks about the blood and the shit, the fluid that comes erupting from you like Vesuvius.  You don’t know desperation until you have felt the crowning of your baby’s head ripping apart your most delicate tissue.  And when it’s all over there is the stab in the leg, the pummeling of your stomach, the stitching and the weeks of bleeding to look forward to.

And I will do it all again.

I will do it again because the sacrifice is worth it.  It is worth it to me to bring children into the world who will know what true love is.  I sacrifice my body, my mind, my dignity, my free will so that a few spirits will know light and truth.  It is a sacrifice I freely give to my children, my husband and my heavenly parents.  It is not a sacrifice, however, that I give freely to the world.  The price I ask for re-populating our society with decent citizens is for the society that I willingly contribute my time, money and resources to respect the sacrifice I make.

I have a few dreams in which society could respect me for this sacrifice: free maternity care would be a good place to start.  A lot of western and non-western countries provide free health care to pregnant women, making the infant and maternal mortality rate significantly lower.  As a working mother, I would love to have real paid maternity leave so that I could be more of a presence in the most formative years of my children’s lives.  Even affordable daycare would go along way to helping mothers who have to work spend more time with their children.

But today, I’ll settle on just one way this country could respect the sacrifice I, and all mothers make…Respect our lives.

I took it for granted that most Americans, most politicians, even the Mormon church agreed that the life of a pregnant mother is of value.  That a mother’s life should be protected at all costs, even if that cost comes at the expense of the child she is carrying.  I am hopeful this is the case but it scares me that a man who could be elected president of the United States could go on national television and say that exceptions for a woman’s “health” are an extreme pro-abortion position.  As a childbearing woman, to have concerns about my health so openly and condescendingly sneered at, was beyond horrifying.

So to John McCain and all those who believe like him, I have this to say:

My life is of value.  My health is of value.  This is personal to me.  I am not part of an extreme pro-abortion conspiracy to murder all the unborn children that take up residence in my womb.  I am a wife and a mother.  A woman who comforts and cares for the abused and outcast of society.  I am a woman who has served my country bravely, just like you have, sir.  I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death twice to bring children into this world.  Children who will love their country and protect her freedoms.  Children who will be part of the next generation of American goodness.  We have both sacrificed for our country, sir and though you may not believe it, our sacrifices are equal.  Just like the value of our lives are equal.  I respect the sacrifices you have made for this country.  And now I ask the same respect from you.

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i live a very secure life. i have my moments of personal insecurity–as many as most, a few less than some, a few more than others. i’ve experienced enough cognitive dissonance to spin me into depression that has kept me from fully functioning. but i live a very secure life. i know there are evil people in my world–not the world, my world. i’m sure there are people in my community who have committed unspeakable acts. i may have even encountered them. but i do not fear that evil. that’s not to say that i don’t take reasonable precautions or that i live in a self-generated bubble in which i think i could never be the victim of an unspeakable act. it’s simply to say that such unspeakable acts are not a daily reality i must confront.

on tuesday, as i listened to my usual dose of NPR while getting ready for the day, i heard a story about healing women and children who have been raped as an act of war, followed by a story about an american doctor affiliated with harvard who has tried to help her congolese colleagues. when the story started, my tendency to socially conscious outrage was immediately piqued. as was my academic interest in feminism and women’s issues. but i couldn’t maintain the distance necessary to have those reactions. these stories recounted such unadulterated evil that there was no way i could simply listen in outrage and interest. instead i stopped what i was doing, sat down and cried as i listened to stories about women and girls–little girls of 10 or 11–who had been brutally violated as an act of war. and about people who give everything to help them.

those 15 minutes of radio time forced me to realize how very secure my life is. and how very helpless i feel about making any difference. i don’t know yet what i can do–which organizations i can support, what work i could do remotely, how i can speak up about the cause to my own government. i plan to find out and, when i do, i’ll share what i learn. but in the mean time, i’m asking you to take 15 minutes and listen. it will be hard. these are devastating stories. but please–honor these women and girls, and the people trying to help them, enough to know their stories.

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