Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

It was hard growing up without you. I love Dad and he was really good at a lot of stuff, but it wasn’t the same as having a mother. I knew you were out there somewhere, but I couldn’t talk to you. I couldn’t get advice. I couldn’t see what I was going to look like when I got older, or what a lady is really like. I only knew what Dad said they were like and I never seemed to relate much to his flawless descriptions of selfless, compassionate, spiritual women. I mean I like all of those qualities. I want to be like that, but I also have another side. A tough, adventurous, foul-mouthed, chase the boys, win the competition, ask a lot of questions, pity no fools, side. In fact, I’ve always imagined you with a little smirk leaning over the kitchen doorway secretly encouraging this other side while you dispassionately say, “Now child, behave.”

But that is all there is. My imagination. Because I don’t really know anything about you. I don’t know what you do or who you are. I don’t know if you are powerful and strong or submissive and meek. I don’t even know if you remember or even care about me. All Dad will say is that you exist and that I’m not supposed to talk about you. I don’t know what that means. My brothers say it is because you are so fragile that if we talked about you and said something mean it would be bad. That used to make sense to me. I just accepted it as normal. I mean I didn’t know any different. But I just had my first baby. A daughter. She’s the greatest thing in my whole life. When she laughs it feels like my heart is skydiving, when she cries it feels like my heart is breaking. I would do anything for this child. I have given up large parts of my body, my career, my love life, my time, energy, and self for this little girl. And I would do it again. Over and over.

But I would never abandon her. I would never leave her. I would never willingly choose to end communication with her. Or ignore her during her difficult moments–the times when she is begging for a mom.

It was hard growing up without you. I needed a mom to teach me about boys, sex, modesty, my body, heartbreak, hormones, friendships, love, death, and life. I needed a mom to help me through my pregnancy, labor, birth, nursing, and all the sleepless nights and hair pulling days. No matter how thoughtful Dad was he could never come close to understanding this stuff. He could never understand what it feels like to belong to a family where the women are silent and the men make decisions. Where femininity is a caricature of personhood. Where no matter where I go, what I do, or who I talk to I am a girl first and a person second.

I’m a mother now. What used to suffice now stings. I don’t care any longer what excuses people have made for you. You should have been here. You should have cared. You should have helped me in my difficult moments and taught me how to be a sister, daughter, mother, friend, aunt, cousin, wife, grandma, and woman. You should have helped me with the things that Dad and brothers didn’t understand. You should not have abandoned me. I will never do that to my daughter. I will do anything it takes to keep her safe, to protect her, to support her, to encourage her, to help her, to teach her, to love her. Anything. There are no excuses that satisfy my heart of why you are absent from my life.

Sincerely,

Your Heavenly Daughter

I used to blame church patriarchy for the absence of Heavenly Mother in LDS doctrine and rhetoric. Then I realized that I am treating her exactly like I don’t want to be treated: as silent support staff for the real work of men. If I treat her like a God, like someone with power, position, and priestesshood, then new feelings emerge. I feel angry. I feel sad. I feel abandoned and confused.

What are your thoughts about Heavenly Mother? Why do you think she hasn’t made her own presence known more? If she is a God, why can’t she push past the precepts of man and become an active part in the lives of her children? Have you ever had an experience with Heavenly Mother? Does she even exist?

"Always let your Father in Heaven be your friend, to whom you may go in prayer. And now, speaking of prayer, I touch on another matter. ... I speak of those who advocate the offering of prayers to our Mother in Heaven. I quote from that earlier address: “This [practice] began in private prayer and is beginning to spread to prayers offered in some of our meetings. “It was Eliza R. Snow who wrote the words: ‘Truth is reason; truth eternal / Tells me I’ve a mother there.’ (Hymns, 1985, no. 292.) “It has been said that the Prophet Joseph Smith made no correction to what Sister Snow had written. Therefore, we have a Mother in Heaven. Therefore, [some assume] that we may appropriately pray to her. “Logic and reason would certainly suggest that if we have a Father in Heaven, we have a Mother in Heaven. That doctrine rests well with me. “However, in light of the instruction we have received from the Lord Himself, I regard it as inappropriate for anyone in the Church to pray to our Mother in Heaven." "

60 COMMENTS

Ray October 26, 2011 At 8:18 pm

What an interesting viewpoint…I never really considered the issue that way. I suppose that in my take, I’ve recently started to think that maybe the HM has been there the whole time, that her and the HF are sort of intertwined….I’ve started to feel like maybe the reason we don’t recognize her in the church is because the majority of the church is not yet ready to come to grips with the real idea of a female deity.

There is still so much “the brethen will care for the sisters” that I don’t think they’re ready to accept the idea of receiving instruction from a female or of seeing women as figure of power. I think if she was brought to the forefront at this stage, that she would again be relegated to a secondary position as a way to maintain a mainstream, christian outlook….

Caroline October 26, 2011 At 8:27 pm

I blame patriarchal culture entirely for burying her and silencing her.

I do believe, though, that she’s there for those who care enough to reach her and find her and connect to her. I’ve been reading a lot about goddess spirituality this semester, and women all over the world, hundreds of thousands or millions, have found her and commune with her and their souls are fed and nourished by her.

That said, I think one probably needs a certain level of spirituality to break through and find her and have a transcendent experience. I’m not a terribly spiritual person in terms of my personal devotions, so I’ve not had one of those transcendent experiences. But I believe it could happen, if I put my heart and soul into it. And I am fed and nourished vicariously when I hear other women discuss their experiences with the goddess.

Great questions, Whao-man.

Jasie October 26, 2011 At 8:34 pm

What an extremely poignant article. It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot these days: I’ve realized lately that I want very much to pray to a Heavenly Mother, but how can I when I don’t know who she is? I know nothing about her. I don’t know who she is.

Chalene October 26, 2011 At 9:34 pm

Caroline
I too blame patriarchal constructs. There was a question today during one of my classes. How much of the GDP accounts for fighting patriarcy?Well what percent should the GDP spend fighting patriarchy? By the way I am not a spiritual person and I have had a vision of heavenly mother. So I am going to believe some people just see things regardless of their spirituality.

- Whoa-man October 27, 2011 At 6:01 pm
  
  I agree with you, Chalene and Caroline. I guess I’ve thought that way for a long time and still do, but it just struck me lately that everyone is an agent but Her. That all my blame was on the brethren for concealing or not praying about greater knowledge about her. However, if I saw her as truly as powerful and able as God himself shouldn’t we see a record of her work as we do Him? Shouldn’t we see Her reaching out and communicating with Her children as we do Him? etc. Frankly, there are rich traditions in other faiths, maybe we do have these instances and our religion just hasn’t been a part of them yet because of the patriarchal structure. I don’t know.
  
  Also, I guess what makes me the most upset is that there are very real, painful, aspects of being a woman in a patriarchal institution and She of all people should be the one to comfort, inspire, and stop these. Right?
  
  - Maureen October 28, 2011 At 4:20 am
    
    Powerful post Whoa-man. I applaud you for acknowledging Heavenly Mother as an agent unto herself, and even her Goddesshood by applying the “problem of evil” to her. Even though I think the same answers would suffice for her part as for HF’s (as many are voicing here) I just find something so empowering about you pointing out her part.
    
    I have found pain through this patriarchal institution. And I have found comfort, inspiration, remedy, and spiritual experiences/manifestation through this community here. I have little doubt that Heavenly Mother is behind the feminist movements.
    
Gwenevere - Apron Appeal October 27, 2011 At 12:34 am

I have an idea but typed it’s 6 pages long, single spaced and I don’t know where to share it.

Jena October 27, 2011 At 12:54 am

Dear Sister,

I understand. I miss Mom, too. Lately, as I’ve taken to trying to contact Her, I’ve felt like I’m dialing the wrong number, that it has been disconnected or is no longer in service. Please check the number and try the call again. Just a Heavenly dial tone. I think I know she must be on the other end of the line, waiting to talk to me, but sometimes it’s hard to imagine she’s not in another room–some celestial sitting parlor–far away from the telephone.

Still, I keep calling, even if the line seems busy. She’s up there. I don’t know how puny, patriarchal mortals can suppress the power of a Goddess, but somehow they have. We have. Her voice is so unknown to so many of us. But there are others who swear they know her and speak to her often and receive answers in return. Why not us? Why? Why, if we claim so much authority for truth, were we not the first to bring her forward?

I wish this didn’t have to be grassroots/groundswell movement, but it is. Mom is out there. We just have to get our brothers to talk about her. Here’s my part in how I propose we do that: http://likeuntoeve.blogspot.com/p/join-mother-fast.html

Hopefully soon, we’ll hear her pick up the line and say Hello.

Love,
Your sister

- Whoa-man October 27, 2011 At 6:02 pm
  
  Fantastic! Thanks. What a great link and idea!!!
  
Abigail October 27, 2011 At 12:56 am

Thank you so much for this awsome post. Following your invitation I’d like to share something (I’m not an english speaker, please forgive my mistakes)
I was psicologicaly abused by my father, sexualy abused by class mates. I converted to the Church at my youth and then I was physicaly abused by my husband, a priesthood holder. I prayed earnestly and furiously to HF for comfort and healing, I tried to do everything I was supposed to, I gave myself in faith, I kept choosing the right and striving perfection. But my mother suicided and then I broke. I could not pray to HF anymore, I was faithless and angry. And, at the same time, an urge for HM grew within me. I studied and learned all that I could out of the almost nothing there is to study. I learned that, in the scriptures, any possible reference to HM had been changed into some tree or wisdom reference. I pondered about that.
One day I went to the Temple, there are trees in the outside garden, I wanted to take a Temple picture with myself, a tree and the Temple needle, simbolizing my search for Her presence in my life and spirituality and, know what: in the picture that tree (autumn tree with no leaves) seems to be in fire, but not burning.
I know it is a light effect, but it means a great deal to me, as the burning bush was the way Moses knew about the presence of the Lord and His care and willingness to rescue Israel.
It means a lot to me.
Look, I was an atheist until I prayed to HF and He revealed himself to me. Why would this have to work differently for HM?
Heb 11:6 works for HF only?
Knowing about the existence HF led me to the Church, and knowing about the existence of HM leads me steadingly and strongly to mother values (equality, solidarity), maternity knowledge and ecology. That’s how it is for me, I don’t mean it has to be like that for everybody else, of course.
I do wish, however, that She were made known to other women, that I could talk in Church, openly, about Her. That She were present in declarations and themes (YW for example).
The Church doesn’t accept praying to Her, does that mean that every personal access to Her is closed and forbid? Is there any other way to approach Deity?

- Whoa-man October 27, 2011 At 5:48 pm
  
  Thank you so much for sharing your story. I really loved reading it. It’s beautiful and empowering.
  
- Gabriel Meyr May 8, 2013 At 7:27 am
  
  I admire your commitment to personally seeking God, following your feelings about HM as well as HF. To continue to seek in faith and attend the temple after those terrible trials is extremely noble to me.
  
MJK October 27, 2011 At 2:34 am

This is simply a beautiful piece. I will have to think about this some more.

Catherine October 27, 2011 At 4:12 am

Thank you for sharing this. I feel the same. Having a child (mine is a son) has made me ask the questions you raise here: where is Mother? Why won’t she talk to me? Does she care about me? Does she exist?

Kathryn October 27, 2011 At 4:29 am

Really lovely piece. Your approach speaks volumes without being preachy. Thanks.

Miri October 27, 2011 At 7:24 am

Thank you for this; I feel very much the same way. And I have to agree with Caroline and Chalene. I have gone years without even once having her come to my mind, because I just forget that she exists. When someone is never mentioned, if you don’t have your own personal connection it’s too easy to forget to think of them. This is definitely a product of the patriarchal constructs in the Church.

jks October 27, 2011 At 7:55 am

I assume there is more to know that we don’t know yet. I believe she is there and she is just as involved as our Heavenly Father.
I have wonderful earthly parents. While there are some differences with my relationships with them, I usually think of them as a unit. When I call I am just as happy to talk to both of them as to one of them. If I tell one of them something I know that they will share with the other.
So for me, because of my great relationship with my parents as a unit, I view my relationship with my Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother the same. Even if I specifically ask for HF on the prayer phone, I guess I assume I am getting both of them.
I remember once trying to reason out who exactly answers prayers because of something a new member asked….you pray, you feel something, is it HF, Christ, the Holy Ghost? How do they work together? If I feel the love of God I view it as God not just the Holy Ghost…..I talked to my mom and she said, “Does it matter?” Did it matter to me? Did it matter to Jesus who got the credit for what?
I doubt highly that Heavenly Father or Heavenly Mother are craving the credit all for themselves for their exact part of the plan. I even feel uncomfortable praising Jesus too much since our doctrine said he wasn’t out for glory for himself. I grew up with the “one in purpose” belief and I took it seriously. If I get an answer to prayer, I am thankful, but I don’t view the Holy Ghost as separate and write a thank you note.
We could “blame” the patriarchy, but I think also it is so complicated because there is so much we can’t comprehend or can only comprehend on an immature, mortal level. Perhaps trying to explain it in our terms would not make things clearer.
It is enough for me to know that she is there and know that she is and she loves me. I am quite sure she is an integral part of the work and since I don’t view my relationship with the Savior any differently than my relationship with Heavenly Father, I don’t think I view my relationship with Heavenly Mother any differently than my relationship with Heavenly Father.

- Whoa-man October 27, 2011 At 6:20 pm
  
  I relate to your response, but I disagree. Mostly because I see the argument, that HM doesn’t need credit, as a fallacy based on our mortal patriarchal system where women are the support staff for men. For example, we have Mission Presidents and their wives (called as missionaries), We have Area Authorities and their wives (no calling), we have Area Seventies and their wives (no calling), Apostles and their wives (no calling), etc. These women do incredible things in their capacities at a great cost to them financially, physically, socially, and emotionally (many have to move far from family and comforts) so I mean no disrespect to them. And the reality is that none of them ask for credit. No push for an equal title or more decision making power (this is usually after childbearing and rearing years so “women should be in the home” doesn’t apply) . As such, we tend to think that is the way our Heavenly Parents work as well. I just disagree with that. I see it as a generational gender roles problem and not the divine order of the gospel.
  
  Jks- Sorry for my long rant. I really do appreciate your words and ideas. I am just working through all of mine!
  
  I also have a problem with the idea that when men as for respect, to be called by their title or honorific, gratitude, or credit it is seen as just part of the plan (i.e. no one critiques God for wanting everyone to pray to him), but when women want the same they are seen as powerhungry.
  
  Furthermore, I am more recently concerned with the fact that women worldwide face a host of problems that men do not and that having a female diety would go a long way to really help. Equalizing power, protecting patriarchal abuses, inspiring leaders, and condemning damaging cultural traditions is something that we have seen God do over and over in the scriptures. I guess I just don’t understand why Heavenly Mother doesn’t do the same?
  
Emily October 27, 2011 At 8:28 am

Sweet Whoa-man, thank you for your post. I’m assuming you had come across news of the article about Heavenly Mother published by BYU Studies, but if not, here’s a link to it – it costs $2 to download. https://byustudies.byu.edu/showTitle.aspx?title=8669
And here’s a thoughtful review of it: http://squaretwo.org/Sq2ArticleCasslerPaulsenPulido.html
I’ve actually been meaning to download that article but kept forgetting, so your post is giving me that push to do it. I really appreciated the review, though, and was encouraged by it. I don’t know if they’ll help if you haven’t read them. If you’ve read both, forgive the repeat info, and accept my hugs from afar! Miss you.

Jenn October 27, 2011 At 12:24 pm

I know the Brethren counsel us strongly not to seek out our HM. But here is my question; why do you listen to that counsel the goes so against the heart? We are counseled to pray about what we hear over the pulpit to receive our own conformation. Our spirituality in our own! Why is it Mormons feel they have to spill their guts to their Bishops about everything? I know HM/HF are there. You can find Her if you seek Her, and She is wonderful. Her name isn’t Wisdom/Sophia for nothing. Stop blaming the Brethren for their old patterns, make new ones. Yours!

- JM May 14, 2012 At 6:46 am
  
  “I know the Brethren counsel us strongly not to seek out our HM.”
  
  I have never ever heard any such “counsel”. Where does this come from?
  
newt October 27, 2011 At 1:01 pm

Serious question: if you want a relationship with her, why don’t you just pray to her and see what happens? Do you believe in words like ask and you shall receive, knock and it shall be opened unto you? A lot of people who believe in Heavenly Father (and want to have a relationship with Heavenly Mother) do. So why not?

I don’t know if I do, don’t know if it has been true in my life in terms of the divine. But it has in other ways, I suppose.

alex w. October 27, 2011 At 2:40 pm

That was heartbreaking and beautiful. Thank you for sharing it.
I’m not ready yet to start my own personal journey to find my Heavenly Mother, but articles like this are encouraging to me.

Frank Pellett October 27, 2011 At 2:46 pm

I’m confused. When have “the Brethren counsel us strongly not to seek out our HM”? I know the mentions have been rare and oblique, but when was there specific direction not to seek Her out? Is this another bit of folklore we’ve held on to?

- Jena October 27, 2011 At 4:04 pm
  The most prominent incident was in 1991 when President Hinkley (then acting President of the Church, but not the Prophet) gave a talk in RS session of Conference called “Daughters of God” ( http://lds.org/general-conference/1991/10/daughters-of-god?lang=eng ) in which he pretty much came down on the idea of praying to Mother.
```
"Always let your Father in Heaven be your friend, to whom you may go in prayer.
 And now, speaking of prayer, I touch on another matter.  ... I speak of those who advocate the offering of prayers to our Mother in Heaven. I quote from that earlier address:
“This [practice] began in private prayer and is beginning to spread to prayers offered in some of our meetings.
“It was Eliza R. Snow who wrote the words: ‘Truth is reason; truth eternal / Tells me I’ve a mother there.’ (Hymns, 1985, no. 292.)
“It has been said that the Prophet Joseph Smith made no correction to what Sister Snow had written. Therefore, we have a Mother in Heaven. Therefore, [some assume] that we may appropriately pray to her.
“Logic and reason would certainly suggest that if we have a Father in Heaven, we have a Mother in Heaven. That doctrine rests well with me.
“However, in light of the instruction we have received from the Lord Himself, I regard it as inappropriate for anyone in the Church to pray to our Mother in Heaven." "
```
  So for the past 20 years, this–in conjunction with the firings and excommunications that happened in the autumn of 1993 (the “September Six”)–has frightened the general body of the Church away from even breathing Her name. That fear is finally wearing off, but not entirely.
  - Jena October 27, 2011 At 4:05 pm
    
    What Alex said, haha
    
  - Frank Pellett October 27, 2011 At 7:52 pm
    
    Thanks, both of you. I understand the desire to not have people praying to HM, as the direction has always been, even from Jesus, to only pray to HF. I’m glad Pres Hinkley actually talked about it, rather than just let people wonder.
    
    I don’t really see that as a discouragement from knowing more about her, though.
    
  - Libby November 1, 2011 At 7:08 pm
    
    There is plenty of evidence that Joseph Smith is the one who taught the principle of HM to Eliza R. Snow, not merely that he failed to correct her poem.
    
alex w. October 27, 2011 At 3:38 pm

“However, in light of the instruction we have received from the Lord Himself, I regard it as inappropriate for anyone in the Church to pray to our Mother in Heaven.”
From “Daughters of God” by President Hinckley, October 1991
http://lds.org/general-conference/1991/10/daughters-of-god?lang=eng&query=%22mother+in+heaven%22+pray

- alex w. October 27, 2011 At 3:39 pm
  
  Uh that’s supposed to be in response to Frank’s question. By the way.
  
Hopeful October 27, 2011 At 5:44 pm

I loved this. I have my own confusions when it comes to our lack of Mother. I tend to believe Enoch 42:

Wisdom found no place where she might dwell;
Then a dwelling-place was assigned her in the heavens.
Wisdom went forth to make her dwelling among the children of men,
And found no dwelling-place:
Wisdom returned to her place,
And took her seat among the angels.
And unrighteousness went forth from her chambers
Whom she sought not she found,
And dwelt with them,
As rain in a desert
And dew on a thirsty land.

I believe when She has a place in the “Lord’s House” and when all that once represented Her returns to the temple, then She will dwell again among Her people.

- Annie B. October 28, 2011 At 10:19 pm
  
  That’s beautiful, thank you for sharing it.
  
Deborah October 27, 2011 At 7:55 pm

This is a powerful piece, my friend.

Here’s one thought, albeit outside the norms of our current church discourse (and totally predictable from me, right?):

If you read even a little of the literature on Mary manifestations, you become overwhelmed by the sheer number of appearances, grand and small. She seems to push herself in, comforting the oppressed, speaking to the bereaved and the outcast. Again and again you hear the refrain, “She found me — I didn’t even know I was looking for her.” You can dismiss the first few. But I’ve read hundreds — and not just from Catholics, not even just from Christians. And then there’s the LDS convert I met recently who dreams regularly of Mary but asked me about it in hushed tones because she wasn’t sure if she was “supposed to.”

It leads me to all kinds of unanswered questions. But here’s one possibility. The feminine divine “will out.” We access the Father in the name of Jesus. I choose to access the Mother, as best I can, through reverence for Jesus’ mother.

- Deborah October 27, 2011 At 8:26 pm
  
  And I’m using “you” rhetorically, not personally 🙂
  
- Maureen October 28, 2011 At 4:09 am
  
  What resources would you recommend to learn more about Mary manifestations?
  
  - Deborah October 28, 2011 At 12:23 pm
    
    Here are a few places:
    
    http://www.amazon.com/Search-Mary-Woman-Symbol/dp/0345382463
    
    http://www.amazon.com/Looking-Mary-Blessed-Mother-Compass/dp/B0046HAJOA/ref=pd_sim_b_3
    
    “My Life With Saints” by James Martin SJ is amazing for lots of reasons, but its chapters of Bernadette (love that she was 14, like Joseph Smith) and Mary are particularly good.
    
    http://www.amazon.com/My-Life-Saints-James-Martin/dp/0829426442/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1319833271&sr=1-1
    
  - Maureen October 28, 2011 At 6:40 pm
    
    Thanks.
    
- Whoa-man October 28, 2011 At 5:14 pm
  
  Great idea. I love to hear to talk about Mary. I love the references to Mary in the Book of Mormon and find the idea that She HAS made herself known–if we know what to look for– very compelling.
  
emily w. October 27, 2011 At 8:29 pm

I feel a little reluctant to share this very personal and spiritual experience on a blog but to answer the question regarding if I’d ever had an experience with Heavenly Mother, the answer is: Yes.

Recently, I asked the some of the same questions and felt the same frustrations in regards to out Heavenly Mother. I, too, am a mother and find it inconceivable to abandon my children and I choose not to believe this about our Heavenly Mother. Instead, I believe that She acts in conjunction with our Father in Heaven; that they are connected in such a way that They too are one in purpose and thought, in mind and heart; that when the scriptures say “God” it means both of them. While this might not explain why visions of God have not included Her, I still believe that She took part in the Creation (figuratively and/or literally), that She knows of our joys and sorrows, that She hears and answers our prayers.

This was recently manifest to me when I thought back to all the times I have felt the hand of God in my life. One of these times that I will always remember happened nearly 5 years ago when I gave birth to my second child. Throughout my pregnancy my husband and I were told that our son had a rare genetic condition that was incompatible with life. We were told that he would either be still born or die within the first few hours of life. When it came time to deliver my son, what should have been an unnerving delivery was so incredibly calm. I have never felt such peace and strength as when this burden was lifted. This experience really left its mark as I cannot deny what I felt and the change that had occurred compared to the previous months.

As I pondered my questions about our Heavenly Mother just weeks ago, I reflected on this instance of overwhelming peace and strength I felt in that hospital room nearly half a decade ago. What followed was one of the most powerful spiritual experiences I’ve had in my life, when I realized that She was there.

For me, this was Her manifestation. She was letting me know that She was there. She is there. She loves me. She has not abandoned me. And that She has been there all along.

- Whoa-man October 28, 2011 At 5:15 pm
  
  Thank you so much for sharing. This is a beautiful story. I’m so sorry for your loss and difficult time. And I’m grateful that you were able to have this incredible comfort. I love that.
  
  - emily w. October 29, 2011 At 9:22 pm
    
    Thank you Whoa-man. And thank you for your inspiring, thought-provoking post! I should clarify something that I just noticed about my comment. That is, that I didn’t end up losing my son after all, thankfully. He was born relatively healthy but with a different genetic condition than the one originally described to us. And also, that I still don’t know how to channel Her specifically since this was a one-time experience manifest to me I much the same way as other spiritual experiences I’ve had in my life. I wish I had more answers though. I just keep trying to believe She is there.
    
nat kelly October 27, 2011 At 8:32 pm

Whoa-Man, this is stunning. And an incredibly important perspective on the whole Heavenly Mother issue.

And I think this hits the nail on the head:
“If I treat her like a God, like someone with power, position, and priestesshood, then new feelings emerge.”

We all want to “treat her like a God.” But we’re afraid of the implications of that. While I think there are lots of possible answers, you have eloquently given voice to one of them here. And it’s chilling, and inspiring.

- emily w. October 27, 2011 At 8:47 pm
  
  Nat, I just had to say “Hello!” When are you coming to San Diego again? Hope you are doing well 🙂
  
  - nat kelly October 28, 2011 At 10:09 am
    
    Hi Emily! I don’t see us getting down there right away, but it was really a great time. Thanks for saying hi. 🙂
    
christer1979 October 27, 2011 At 9:21 pm

When I was on my mission, my mission president (who was departing) gave me some personal counsel in an interview. Part of it was that I should still seek learning (he knew how much I loved knowledge and intellect and all that jazz) but that I shouldn’t just seek it for knowledge but for wisdom. So suddenly this concept that “wisdom” in the scripture refers to Heavenly Mother is giving me chills and hope. Where can I learn more about his etymological (and more importantly, spiritual) connection between Her and wisdom?

- Whoa-man October 28, 2011 At 5:17 pm
  
  Ohhhhh. I am not the one to ask. I’ve been to countless lectures on LDS scholars talking about the female divine as Wisdom, Asherah, and references throughout the scriptures referencing a woman spirit, but I cannot for the life of me remember the name of the researchers. I do know there was a beautiful piece by one of them in Exponent Magazine maybe a year ago. Help? Anyone remember which issue? Author? Etc.
  
  - Deborah October 28, 2011 At 5:51 pm
    
    “My Search for the Feminine Divine”
    
    http://www.exponentii.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/Fall-2010.pdf
    
Corktree October 28, 2011 At 9:00 am

This is beautiful and inspiring Whoa-man. And I have to admit I’ve felt this way too once I really thought about the whole thing, but I hesitated to acknowledge the anger and frustration out of fear that I would push her even further away. In the past year or so, I think I’ve come to the conclusion that She *is* there and I just haven’t learned how to feel her strongly and specifically yet. The description of the heavenly dial tone is apt as I’ve meditated to find her and felt so close and yet so far. I became afraid that I was looking for something that wasn’t there, but now I think I’ve been looking for the wrong feeling perhaps. I’ve also wondered if it’s true that She is inseparable as “God”, but something doesn’t feel right there either in my internal vision. Manifestations of her through Mary? That’s one I haven’t considered, but will explore.

But mostly, I think you’re right about her encouraging that “other side”. I think She is more like that than we assume; more fierce and forceful than we are prepared to accept. Maybe she can’t understand Her daughters’ willingness to be trampled and shoved to the side lines. Maybe she is frustrated with our lack of attempt to directly access Her and the ways in which we go along with something that feels so wrong to us. Some days I imagine She is waiting for someone that She can reveal Herself to.

But until then, I’m doing my best to be open to whatever form and feeling she may come to me in. I’m trying not to attach any of my own perceptions to Her, and hoping that as I clear myself of further attachments to what I should or shouldn’t be, that she will naturally come into my life and become a part of who I am. I mean, I think she already is, but I have so much that still needs to be stripped away to see reality clearly.

- Whoa-man October 28, 2011 At 5:13 pm
  
  I love this. Thank you!
  
Jenni October 28, 2011 At 9:30 am

I think she does speak/is speaking, but that we’ve been culturally trained to not notice or hear her.

Janell October 28, 2011 At 11:03 am

Reflecting on this post, it got me wondering if Eve ever was able to talk and walk with her Heavenly Mother in the Garden of Eden and if Eve was able to converse with Heavenly Mother following the Fall. I accept that Heavenly Father is omniscient and loving, etc, etc, but it seems to me that Eve, the first woman, would desire her Mother’s personal guidance in situations like the birth of her firstborn.

- Libby November 1, 2011 At 7:13 pm
  
  Janell, I love this idea. Thank you.
  
Annie B. October 28, 2011 At 10:39 pm

I love reading the comments here, they are just as thought provoking as the posts themselves. I had never heard the idea of references to wisdom or trees in scripture as being references to HM, but it’s kind of cool to apply that to the story of Eve in the garden choosing to eat the forbidden fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil and convincing Adam to do the same so that they could ultimately progress.

Charity October 29, 2011 At 3:12 am

I don’t necessarily believe this, but it’s something I’ve speculated about.

Is it possible that the Goddess cares for her own worlds, the way Heavenly Father does our world? Is it possible that when we leave this world we will be with both of our parents but that our world really IS lead by only a father? Is it possible that other worlds are longing for a father as much as we long for a mother?

No matter how much I try to connect with Heavenly Mother I just don’t believe myself. I don’t take myself seriously. I don’t have faith that she’s listening no matter how much I want to. That doesn’t mean she isn’t listening but…maybe she isn’t.

This interpretation makes me feel more at ease in terms of the Goddess’s power being equal to God’s. It doesn’t make me feel any less abandoned though.

- Whoa-man October 29, 2011 At 8:27 pm
  
  WOW. This is something that I have never thought about. It is a very empowering thought. Thank you.
  
Sybil October 29, 2011 At 12:41 pm

Whoa-man, this is a wonderful letter. I’ve been trying to contact you about it. Would you mind emailing me?

Sybil
daughtersofmormonism (at) gmail.com

Matt A. October 31, 2011 At 4:34 pm

Coming to the discussion late, but I wanted to add a few thoughts anyway. 🙂

I have wondered recently if Heavenly Mother is waiting for us to call on Her as a Personage unto Herself. Seeking Her directly, speaking to Her directly.

I decided some time ago that I no longer wanted to live in a Motherless house, and I sought Her out myself. It took some time to come to terms with the idea of a Goddess who could answer me or not, according to Her wishes, but I did, and She has answered my prayers in remarkable ways.

I can’t speak to other people’s experiences, but for me, it has been a continuing search, kind of like teaching a baby to walk. I am stretching myself each time I make that connection, and learning better to do it each time.

I don’t have all the answers, but my experiences have led me to have faith in Her as much as I do in Father. I would encourage anyone who wishes that connection to seek Her out, seeking that personal connection independently.

Michelle Glauser November 1, 2011 At 8:17 am

Word.

Kelly Ann November 3, 2011 At 12:23 am

Thank you for this perspective whoaman. It was engaging and still really has me thinking,

Kelli Anderson July 14, 2013 At 9:43 pm

i think yours and most women’s feelings of abandonment by HM goes to show how poor most people are at accurately recognizing heaven/divine/diety when they reach out. much is this is how mormons have been conditioned to only receive heaven/divine/diety in a specific way. for a split second i felt the abandonment before realizing just how present she is in my life. exactly as present as HF, in each their own unique and special way. different, but equally present. as for praying to her, it was infirmity on my part for not having even thought to reach out sooner.