Guest Post: A Marriage of Convenience. With Benefits.
A little fact about me and my partner: He and I really don’t have much in common. Our interests, our styles, our work, the things we talk about, the things we like to do in our spare time…. we’re pretty different.
“Dating” as two sexually frustrated singles at BYU involved mostly making out in the car till 5am.
“Dating” as a married couple, well, it’s always a bit of a compromise as given our personal preferences, we wouldn’t chose the same restaurants, movies, events, activities, topics to discuss, etc.
We have a few overlapping things: For example; we are both athletic, like to run/hike/bike etc… But, ironically, the main thing we have in common: our offspring, tends to get in the way of us doing such things together.
Earlier in our marriage we went through a couple of rough spots, and in moments of rage/despair/loneliness I used to think “the only thing we have in common are a kid, and a sub-prime mortgage.”
I no longer have that same rage/despair/loneliness. (And, we no longer have that sub-prime mortgage.) We still have very little in common. But, perhaps, we do have a better appreciation of each other’s space, separate interests and different needs. Mostly, we are content to have our own lives with small areas that over lap, like doing the dishes, taking care of the kid, walking the dog, paying bills.
Also, we have a lot of sex.
At night we lay in bed together after a day of balancing our own lives with taking care of the joint stuff. We lay together, with maybe a bit of small talk about the kid, the bills, stuff coming up that we need to plan for. We lay together, which inevitably leads to his hand on my abdomen, then stroking up to my breast, and then sex. This happens almost every night.
I think our relationship is an odd mix of Marriage of Convenience and Friends With Benefits.
Sometimes I wonder if our separate-sphere union will eventually become unsatisfactory, or unsustainable….
I just had a heart-breaking conversation with a friend. Her and her husband of many many years, her husband who is also her business partner, who shares so many of the same interests… their marriage is falling apart and they have not touched each other in many many months.
I do not know exactly where I am going with this post… just been thinking a lot, lately, about the nature of love, of partnership, of the weird social construct we call marriage.