Guest Post: Sunday School Gives Me Impure Thoughts
Rebecca is a former school psychologist turned super mom of three, who makes prodigious use of her library card. She’s a fan of men in skirts.
The room where I attend Sunday school doubles as a seminary classroom on weekday mornings. There’s a bookcase full of marked-up scriptures toward the back, and rows of chairs with fold-down
desktops, their cold metal seats designed to keep seminary kids awake at 6:30 a.m. At the front of the room, photographs of the apostles are displayed in a row above the chalkboard. I sometimes imagine that they look down on me with mild disapproval as I come in a few minutes late, then fumble through my scriptures in an attempt to follow the lesson. Obviously, I’m no scripture chase star.
Along the sides of the room hang a series of Arnold Friberg prints, circa 1950, primarily featuring famous scenes from the Book of Mormon. These are the same pictures you can check-out from your local meetinghouse library, or buy from the church distribution center for your private use. From my seat, the prints are conveniently arranged at eye level and I can’t help noticing the picture of Captain Moroni standing there so boldly, not two feet from my appreciative face. How I could have overlooked him before?
I wonder how he stays so fit. Could it be all the hand-to-hand combat, or do you think he has a chin-up bar at home? I want to lean over and whisper, “Whatever you’re doing, keep it up because you’re lovely, absolutely lovely.” As I try to compute the ratio of broad shoulders to narrow hips, it occurs to me that he might feel less lonely in a frame on my nightstand. I consider the merits of a kilt, and wonder if it’s time to bring it back. This is a man who obviously feels secure in a skirt and I can respect that. Then I blush a little as I notice his sword, and hastily redirect my gaze to the scriptures in my lap. For the rest of the lesson, I can’t look up because I know that the men in dark suits, in their places there above the chalkboard, can see right through me.
I wonder if anyone else has taken note of this picture, or those similar to it? Is this sort of hyper-masculine image distracting or just delightful? What would the female counterpart look like, and would she be acceptable to display in church? I’m curious about what the men think about these images of manliness.