The “Measure of our Creation”
Today is the end of my seventh week in a 24-week programming bootcamp. Three months ago, I was only non-chalantly applying for it, after having applied to another and had not gotten in. It wasn’t originally in my plans to do this now- next year at the earliest, but when opportunities come, I try to take them and not think to much about it. So far that philosophy has worked out.
I had been a stay-at-home-mom for 6 years. We homeschool. It has been a huge lifestyle change, and it’s unlikely to go back to how it was if I get a job after this. I am now gone 8-6 M-F. I have had a lot of disjointed thoughts on this situation this week and I supposed I’ll list them chronologically.
On Sunday, one of the sacrament talks in our ward was one the human desire to create things. The speaker quoted Uchrdorf’s words on creation from his October 2008 talk. And at one point in the talk, the speaker mentioned the phrase, “fulfill the measure of our creation.” I thought to myself, “That’s how I feel. I’m smart and capable and by doing this bootcamp and learning to code, I’m finally fulfilling the measure of my creation. I didn’t even notice I was falling short of that measure until these past couple of months.” I thought about how just two weeks before starting this bootcamp I was supposed to be watching my kids at the park, but really I was thinking about the catenary curve of the park’s suspension bridge. My poor brain was starving for analytical thinking!
On Monday night, I stayed late in San Francisco. Normally I try to get home as soon as possible, but everyone in our class was assigned a mentor and Monday night was the “Meet your mentor” social. I didn’t know how long I’d be out, but I knew it was likely I wouldn’t come home until after the older kids were in bed. Usually the 1 year old stays up with us and nurses to sleep while we watch TV. Not far into the event I received a text from my husband that the baby didn’t get a nap today and was on edge for lack of sleep. Even if I had left at that exact moment to rush home and nurse her, I knew she’d be asleep before I got there and that she would not have nursed all day. And I thought to myself, “Here, I am staying because I know forming this relationship with my mentor will further my career. I am literally choosing my career over my children.” And maybe I was a bit tired myself because I got teary. I consoled myself by trying to convince myself that I’m doing this for my kids: so they can have more opportunities and options and so they can have a mom that feels useful and “fulfills the measure of her creation.” So I stayed out late and sure enough, all the kids were in bed and I had to prod the baby awake to nurse her.
On Wednesday morning, I woke up to this blog post on Aspiring Mormon Women. It spoke to me so much, especially the part about how no one mentions a career beyond academia in college. Or at least, no one mentioned anything like that to me. Never once did I actually visualize what my life would be like with a career. Jobs, sure, but not really a career. I had my “just in case” education, but no clue what to do with it. I’m really glad I’m getting the job training and experience to have that now. Unlike those years as a teenager and a young adult I think I can actually imagine what my career might look like in six months. I really like that.
Getting this to all work out logistically (childcare, transportation, finances) has been a challenge, especially since I’m doing this a year and a half before I originally planned, but I know that 10 years from now, I’ll look back and think it was the best time for it. I’m doing this bootcamp so that my brain can fulfill the measure of its creation and my kids will be able to visualize themselves in the future fulfilling theirs.