When I found out I was pregnant with my new daughter, Linda, I was in shock. I wasn’t planning on becoming pregnant so soon and I spent the first trimester in a depression that allowed me to only play video games.

Labor was hard and it’s difficult to bond with a newborn: they don’t smile; they don’t do much of anything. You can’t tell if they actually like you, even a little bit. When I was 3 weeks postpartum, my husband took our two oldest to Disneyland for a weekend so that I could get a break from having three kids underfoot. However, having a single colicky baby without a partner to pass her off to when you’re tired is difficult, too. It was in those three days of solitude with my daughter that I tried very hard to “bond.” I felt bad for not wanting to be pregnant 9 months earlier. I didn’t want her to feel unwanted.

When my husband came home from the Disneyland trip I told him, “I want to hold her for her baby blessing. I want to make up for not being happy about the pregnancy. It’d be like a public apology to her, a reconciliation.”

The culture around baby blessings is such that if you have the blessing at home, the family has a lot more freedom in how it is done, however, if you do it in a church, there are more restrictions. I was split: I wanted to have the freedom of a home blessing, but wanted to share it with our whole ward.

The internet has been abuzz recently with discussion of a new form of feminism developed by Facebook’s COO, Sheryl Sandberg. In her new book, Lean In, and in a now famous TED talk, Sandberg argues that women need to do a better job advocating for themselves in the workplace, in taking opportunities even if they may conflict with a future reality, sitting at the table and expecting more from the men in their lives. As she says,

We hold ourselves back in ways both big and small, by lacking self-confidence, by not raising our hands, and by pulling back when we should be leaning in. We internalize the negative messages we get throughout our lives – the messages that say it’s wrong to be outspoken, aggressive, more powerful than men. We lower our own expectations of what we can achieve.

Sandberg has received criticism, including from other feminists, that she does not fully account for the systematic barriers in place that limit women’s equality in the workplace and in society. A lot of that criticism has been unfounded but regardless, in order for women to achieve true equality, there needs to be both systematic policy change and women leaning in and demanding their rightful place.

A new PBS documentary outlines the history of the feminist movement in the United States of America from mid-20th century to present. I haven’t seen it yet, but I have heard some rave reviews. I have embedded the video here so we can watch and discuss it together.

After April’s timely reminder to write letters for the Let Women Pray event, I decided to get on it.

Overhearing me mention the project, my daughter asked me about it, so I explained it.

“Some people are writing letters to say they think women should pray in conference.”

“What’s conference?”

“Remember when we watch church on the computer and there is singing and the prophet and apostles speak?”

“Oh right! One time someone said we were building a new temple.”

“Yes, that’s conference.”

“I want to write a letter too!”

The deadline to send letters encouraging our leaders to let women pray in General Conference is February 22.  It’s right around the corner and letter-writing can be stressful.  To ameliorate some of your stress, we’ve created a Let Women Pray Mad Lib, guaranteed to produce a unique letter every time: