Source: U.S. Census Bureau, International Database, 2010 Estimates

I’ve learned the gender of my unborn child via ultrasound. If I lived in China or India, such a procedure would be illegal, due to unsuccessful attempts by these governments to curb gender selective abortion and obtain an even ratio of men and women. 1

My husband studies the economics of happiness, among a variety of other economic fields. I never forgot one thing he shared with me years ago — that the first year a couple has a baby is often the least happy year of a couple’s marriage. Sad, but I can see how that can be the case. Because babies require so much care, couples are often exhausted, and they often feel like the other partner isn’t doing his or her fair share. But what is a “fair share” when one partner is employed full time and the other isn’t? What is a “fair share” in the evenings and at night when both partners are home?

Clearly, this ain't my family.

During the past several years, I have rarely had a spiritually enriching experience at sacrament meeting.  I am too distracted because I share a pew with the rowdiest people in my congregation.  I sit with this irreverent lot because I am their mother.  As I wrestle with my naughty children, I frequently fantasize about dropping my kids off at a nursery/primary/daycare/something-else-age-appropriate instead.

On the other hand, I know there are reasons for including the children in sacrament meeting:

• There is a certain inclusiveness about convening the whole congregation in one room.
• If childcare were offered, some adults would have to miss the meeting to provide the care.
• Some people have said that children bring a special spirit to the meeting.  (I do not think these people were referring to my children, specifically.)

Four-Year-Old Me and My First Pet

My sister and her family recently moved across the country, just a few days after their pet cat gave birth to four kittens.  When my sister’s family arrived in their new state of residence, they stayed with a friend of a friend while they looked for a new home.  These hospitable strangers owned a dog.

A couple days into their stay as house guests, my sister and her husband heard their three-year-old daughter screaming.  They ran to her aid but they were too late.  The dog had killed all four kittens and my tiny little niece had witnessed the tragedy.

My niece was naturally traumatized. Her reactions varied from anger, manifested by attacking her baby brother; denial, such as requesting to play with the deceased kittens; to spiritual questioning about what happened to the kittens after the dog bit them and made them stop crying.  Her parents used the classic Mormon glove example to explain to her about death.  Her dad offered her a priesthood blessing. “Heavenly Father wants you to know that He is holding your kitties right now,” he told my niece as he blessed her. He also counseled her to share all the love that she wanted to give to the kittens with her baby brother.

My first memory of death was also the death of a pet.  My first pet died when I was twelve.  She was a cat that had resided with my family since I was four.  My entire family grieved.  We held a special family home evening style memorial service in honor of our deceased pet.  We all talked about our favorite memories of the deceased cat.  The death of this furry loved one must have been an unusually teachable moment for me, because I still remember details of that lesson.  My parents shared a quote from former LDS church president Joseph Fielding Smith about how animals have souls and will be resurrected.  They talked about how they believed our cat had fulfilled her mission in life very well—she had made our family happy, which is the primary purpose of a pet.

With a quick search, I found what may have been that very quote at the church website,  “So we see that the Lord intends to save, not only the earth and the heavens, not only man who dwells upon the earth, but all things which he has created. The animals, the fishes of the sea, the fowls of the air, as well as man, are to be recreated, or renewed, through the resurrection, for they too are living souls.” (Joseph Fielding Smith, Conference Report, October 1928)

I have heard it said that a pet is a story with an unhappy ending.  Children and grown-ups  grow close to these creatures, but the relatively short lifespan of most pets almost guarantees that their human caretakers will watch them die. Perhaps this sad truth is actually another benefit of pet ownership.  These animal/human bonds help us appreciate the sanctity of life and learn how to process our grief.  They also give us opportunities to comfort each other. Such lessons will be invaluable as we suffer much greater losses in the future.  My little niece is going through her first primer in human mortality—even though her teachers were not human.

However, even as I reflect so philosophically on the benefits of loving and losing pets, I wish my niece’s kittens were still alive.  I am so sorry, sweetie.

Previous Posts in the Mormons and Death Series

Poll: Laid to Rest (5/29)
introduction (5/30)
Mormon funerals (5/31)
unconventional funerals (6/1)
miscarriage/ stillbirth (6/2)
the death of a child (6/8)
suicide (6/15)
the right to die (6/22)
organ donation (6/29)
giving comfort (7/6)
the after-life (7/13)
cemeteries (7/20)