Top Responses to “Do you wear your garments?”

Mormons like to talk about people’s underwear. They like to speculate about it and confront family members and friends about it. And it’s weird. Non-Mormon people don’t inquire about their friend’s/family member’s underwear habits. Can you imagine?!

If you find yourself thinking, “Should I ask someone about their garments?” or considering, “Should I wonder out loud to or ask others about someone’s garments?” I made you a flow chart. I recommend printing it out and keeping it close in case you find yourself in this predicament.garment-flow-chart

 

But what if you are on the receiving end of such a question? Well, you could print this chart out and hand it to Nosey McNoseface, or you can use some of my favorite responses.

 

Every day responses, ranked from mild to most “shocking”. Most are best given with a smile and a wink.

  1. “Oh, it’s laundry day.”
  2. “I don’t feel it’s respectful to sweat/menstruate all over my sacred garments.”
  3. “We’re told not to modify our garments to fit our clothing styles, and I’m sure you can see this sun dress wouldn’t work without modifying them. I just couldn’t do that.”
  4. “I do not wish to disclose my medical conditions or information to you.”/”My doctor told me not to.”
  5. “My <significant other> prefers lacy underthings.”
  6. “Ah, well. I guess I’m just not as righteous as you.”
  7. “I’m aiming for the third tier of the Celestial Kingdom.”
  8. “Can I see your tax returns? We’re playing ‘Who can ask the most rude question,’ yes?”
  9. “Why? Are you trying to imagine me in my underwear?!”
  10. “I guess I forgot to put them on this morning. Morning sex can make me SO absentminded.”

 

Top Scriptural Responses

  1. “And s/he caught (me) by (my) garment, saying, Lie with me: and (I) left (my) garment in her/his hand, and fled, and got (myself) out.”
  2. “They parted my garments among them, and upon my vesture did they cast lots.”
  3. I made sackcloth also my garment; and I became a proverb to them.
  4. “But what went ye out for to see? A wo/man clothed in soft raiment? behold, they that wear soft clothing are in kings’ houses.”
  5. My flesh is clothed with worms and clods of dust; my skin is broken, and become loathsome.
  6. Let thy priest/esses be clothed with righteousness; and let thy saints shout for joy.
  7. By the great force of my disease is my garment changed: it bindeth me about as the collar of my coat.
  8. “And s/he shall put off her/his garments, and put on other garments.
  9. I put on righteousness, and it clothed me: my judgment was as a robe and a diadem.
  10. And every garment, and every skin, whereon is the seed of copulation, shall be washed with water, and be unclean until the even.

 

Uncategorized:

The 1800s  Mormon Creed Answer: “Mind Your Own Business”

The Hamilton Musical Answer: “That depends. Who’s asking? Oh, well, sure, sir. I’m Alexander Hamilton, I’m at your service, sir
I have been looking for you… I’m getting nervous… Sir…” (continue as long as you like)

TopHat

TopHat is putting her roots down in the Bay Area with her husband and three children. She loves the earth, yarn, and bicycling.

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19 Responses

  1. EmilyCC says:

    Morning sex is the perfect response!

    • Andrew R. says:

      I must have missed something having not had morning sex until I was endowed and married. However I’m fairly sure that your average person doesn’t forget to wear their underwear just because they had sex.

  2. spunky says:

    I *love* this, tophat!!

  3. Kellie says:

    This is strange to me. I’ve never asked anyone about their garments or wondered about it. It’s none of my business. The only people who have asked me about them are my non member friends. I would be surprised if someone from church asked me. Must be a Utah thing.

  4. m says:

    How often have you been asked that? I’ve never been asked that and can’t imagine the mentality that would think that’s acceptable in any scenario. IS it a UT thing (a la Kellie’s comment)?

    • TopHat says:

      My extended family is not in Utah and to be honest, they haven’t asked me directly but have asked my husband about me, which makes it much more gossipy and gross.

  5. Carolyn Nielsen says:

    Never been asked? Did your bishop leave it out of your Temple Recommend interview? Step back and ponder how intrusive it is to be conversing about underwear, yours, not his, with him. On the other hand, my non Mormon friends and family never ask. I don’t know if they even notice. It’s weird being part of a group that is constantly checking out one another’s sleeve lines, necklines, and hemlines with such curiosity and fervor.

    • m says:

      Well, my Bishop has asked but I didn’t find that intrusive since he’s got a legitimate reason to ask, in my opinion. That’s part of his job that I sustain him in.

      Now, my neighbor or the guy in line at the store is a different story…

    • Andrew R. says:

      If the person asking the temple recommend questions doss what is asked; which is to read the statement and ask if the individual is compliant, I can not see that being intrusive.
      Having said that, I can believe that some have gone further than they should.

  6. Lauri Moncur says:

    It is true that whether or not someone chooses to wear their garments is a personal and private matter. However, there is much more to the wearing of garments than some of these comments infer. They are not simply “underwear”, they are a sign or token of covenants we make with a loving Heavenly Father in His holy house. (If you don’t know what a covenant is, and sadly much of the world does not, look up the definition.) To one who respects and takes seriously the covenants they make with God, they will likely be careful to wear the garment as taught or instructed in the temple ceremony. For those who sincerely want to better understand God’s desires for and dealings with His children, read and study the Bible where you will find the subject of garments to be an ancient practice and nothing to be silly or sarcastic about.

    • TopHat says:

      I absolutely take my covenants seriously, but they are between me and God, not me and other people. It would be inappropriate for me to comment on others’ garments because that’s not about me and them and God, but them and God. I’m making light of people’s nosiness, not the garments themselves. 🙂

  7. Patty says:

    When there were comments about Mitt Romney wearing garments, I had a non-member friend (good friend!) ask because she was curious. I didn’t mind. I was surprised that she didn’t know that I did. BTW, my favorite scripture is #6.

  8. Patty says:

    Oops. Senior memory: favorite is #5.

  9. Pbj says:

    My preferred response is that to follow the chastity requirement, I only discuss my underwear with my husband and very specific medical doctors. You are neither.

    • Andrew R. says:

      If one of my children had obviously stopped wearing the Garment I would soak to them about it. I do not think that is wrong. I would do it out of concern because of their covenants.

      On the other hand, my Dad does not always wear his. I have never discussed this with him, it’s not my place to do so.

      • Pbj says:

        Perhaps a (true) parable will help here.

        2 years ago I was unhappy with my job. My spouse and I prayed, and I began job hunting. I said nothing to my mother.

        I kept coming back to one job opening, and felt I needed on apply. I did. I interviewed. I received an offer. My spouse and I prayed over it and felt it was were I needed to go. I accepted it.

        Then I told my mother. And she freaked out.

        Quite literally, the only change in our lives was I drove south instead of North. She was upset because she wasn’t included in the decision.

        It didn’t matter to her that my spouse and I were in agreement.

        She still has a hard time seeing me as a function adult. I’m 39.

        **

        Asking a child about their garments is inappropriate. Ask about their testimony, their life, their opinions.

        But asking about their underwear sends a direct message that you do not view them as an adult capable of making their own decisions.

        And it’s kind of freaky to have a parent checking out your underwear lines.

      • Andrew R. says:

        “But asking about their underwear sends a direct message that you do not view them as an adult capable of making their own decisions.”

        Or it means I do reaslise they make their own decisions – or why else would they have decided to remove the Garment.

        “And it’s kind of freaky to have a parent checking out your underwear lines.”

        You will notice that I said “obviously stopped wearing”. I said nothing about checkout their underwear lines. One of the things that happens when members stop wearing the Garment for a non-medical, or other equally appropriate reason, is that their clothing often changes too. This makes it obvious.

        And at this point I would be interested in their decision making process. I don’t believe this correlates well with your parable.

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