All the Single Sisters
Posted by Zenaida
A friend of mine sent me this site as a way to cope with being single:
First of all…cope with being single?! Does anyone else see a problem with this thinking? But, I know what it feels like. When our eternal reward is Exaltation in the Celestial Kingdom, and that is dependent on Celestial marriage, how can we not feel eternal pressure to find a companion?
And second, the judgements being passed throughout the article are a little disturbing. The giggly freshman is described as a pretty, immodestly dressed, ditzy youngster still in her teens or just barely leaving them behind. She stays in school just long enough to land a husband and waltzes out of school to replace her husband’s mother in domestic duties.
I think that’s a bit unfair. Focussed on a certain demographic, and just trying to make oneself feel better at someone else’s expense. “Well, we wouldn’t want them anyway, because if they made a choice like that, then clearly they don’t have our values.” While this may have truth in it, it doesn’t seem to be fair in the large scale, and it doesn’t make me feel any better.
All the good ones are not taken. Why? Because a good one would spot your intelligent, confident, well-rounded, independent personality from a mile away, and he hasn’t seen you yet. So bring on the tube tops, the rejects are blocking our view!
So, if I never get married, does that mean that there actually aren’t any good men, and the earth will be populated by shallow, domesticated females bound to shallow, hormone driven men? Please.
i say that women who are single in our culture need to quit looking at others with the thoughts that “everyone is judging me”. i think once single girls start rocking thier singleness, being proud of the strong women they are, showing off thier skills, etc…the vibe will come off more like i luv who i am, i am happy with who i am, i know who i am, and i know what i want. instead of the vibe…poor single sister.
This is disturbing on so many levels I hardly know where to begin. To answer your question, the earth will always have intelligent, creative, talented women – both single and married populating the earth. We just need to assist society – and the Church – in understanding the contribution and worth of both.
I don’t see it so much as people being weeded out, but just that people are looking for different things from life and in a partner. Also, everyone’s timing is different and it isn’t a contest.
As someone who is almost 29 and single, I can honestly say that many of my intelligent, driven friends got married very young and some of the hotter, less goal oriented ones did not.
I think it would be better for everyone if marriage age and status wasn’t a dividing line in Relief Society. Younger girls sometimes feel sorry for the older single ones, in spite of what the might have accomplished with their lives and in spite of the fact that their life plan might be a little different. Some older girls harbor bitterness against the younger ones, as if their marital status or ability to attract men means that they are stupid, shallow and/or slutty.
I think people just need to get over it and realize that everyone has different contributions and that sometimes the events of our life and our marital status and the timing therein support our ultimate mission on Earth. It isn’t better or more righteous to fit into either category.
Yes, I don’t think we “need to cope with being single”. Thanks for sharing the link and your thoughts. It is interesting to see a variety of single-related posts lately. While I don’t like the judgements passed regarding the tube tops, I have enjoyed reading Seraphine’s current series on ZD about being a 30-something single in the church. She really tackles difficult issues well. I recommend them as a good read.
http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2010/01/06/being-a-30-something-single-in-the-church-part-iii-marriage/
http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2010/01/03/being-a-30-something-single-in-the-church-part-ii-no-sex/
http://zelophehadsdaughters.com/2009/12/29/being-a-30-something-single-woman-in-the-church-part-i-dating/
I can see why the characterization of these young pretty Mormon women who marry early would be disturbing. It also strikes me as a bit unfair.
But I must say that I do like the way the author characterizes these older single women as independent, wanting education, wanting more than to replace their husband’s mothers in the home, etc. I’m sure that’s not always accurate either, but I think it’s a good and healthy model for young women to keep in mind. It just would perhaps have been better if she could have presented that model without taking potshots at the young chirpy pretty ones that marry young.
And this is a total tangent… what do you think of that pretty young woman’s logic about wearing the tube top now, while she can, since soon she’ll have garments. I know that sounds shallow. And yet… I kind of wish I had lived it up at the beach in my swimsuit and had fun in my teens, rather than letting summer after summer go by without putting a suit on because I was so self-conscious of my perfectly fine body.
Interesting tangent Caroline. I don’t really know. I bought my first bikini this last summer for a very practical reason. I went skinny dipping for the first and maybe only time ever. 😉
And, I may not have the courage to ever wear it in public. (Probably not.)
I always hated the, “I’ll repent later,” attitude. I definitely wore a couple of things, including a prom dress that required a strapless bra to wear properly, that were not up to standards. I remember, though in preparing to go to the temple and start wearing garments, that I made sure my wardrobe was devoid of anything that might have to be thrown out after. But, then again I’ve always been one to try to play by the rules.