“And the foolish said unto the wise, Give us of your hand sanitizer”: Likening the scriptures unto ourselves during the COVID-19 pandemic
We are taught to “liken the scriptures” unto ourselves. In that spirit, I have adapted some favorite scripture passages to our present circumstances as we cope with a worldwide pandemic.
And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom cometh; go ye out to meet him. Then all those virgins arose, and [sanitized their hands]. And the foolish said unto the wise, Give us of your [hand sanitizer]; for our [Purell dispensers] are gone out. But the wise answered, saying, Not so; lest there be not enough for us and you: but go ye rather to them that sell, and buy for yourselves. [And then they laughed and added, Good luck with that!]
Hear therefore, O Israel, and observe to do it; that it may be well with thee, and that ye may increase mightily, as the Lord God of thy fathers hath promised thee, in the land that floweth with milk and honey [and toilet paper].
Say unto them, Thus saith the Lord God; Behold, I will take the stick of Joseph, which is in the hand of Ephraim [and carries his germs], and the tribes of Israel his fellows [with all of their germs], and will put them with him, even with the stick of Judah [which he coughed on], and make them one stick, and they shall be one in mine hand [so I will wash it with a Lysol wipe before I use it].
And I also cast my eyes round about, and beheld, on the other side of the river of water, a great and spacious building; and it stood as it were in the air, high above the earth. And it was [not] filled with people, [because they were working from home].
And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was [lots of ] room for them in the [empty] inn [but nonessential travel was banned]. And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night [while maintaining a safe 6 feet of distance from each other].
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; [And right now is that last one, so try smiling and waving instead.]
And I saw another angel fly in the midst of heaven, [discarding his trumpet to raise his fist like Rosie the Riveter], Saying with a loud voice, [We can do it!]