Dear LDS Woman: It’s Time to Break Your Own Heart
Time after time, I have been on the receiving end of hearing girlfriends complain about being single. I’ve grown used to hearing tales of other young single adults who whine and throw tantrums when their knight in shining armor doesn’t come swooping in on a white horse to whisk them away for time and all eternity.
As easy as it is to judge these individuals for their apparent desperation, I used to be one of these girls. As countless young girls around the world have done, I created a fairytale of what my life could be. Now as an adult, I’ve realized how silly and far-fetched most of those make-believe endings truly were.
It’s one in the morning as I type this article. Other than the soft croon of Erykah Badu’s Tyrone via the television, everyone around me has drifted off to the world of the Sandman. Yet, as I sit here frantically typing these words, I feel immense gratitude for my insomnia.
You see, this is my thinking time. My best ideas come after midnight. The most powerful spiritual breakthroughs come at this time. I plan my week for my Instagram blog and journal whenever the mood strikes. Tonight, is no different.
As I sit here, the only thing that comes to mind, is the importance of establish a strong foundation of self-worth. You may be asking yourself why this is suddenly so important. It’s because until recently, I misplaced my self-worth by believing that unless it was tied to my relationship status or my future husband that there was no need to continue being the strong feminist woman that I am.
Recently, I backed out of the possibility of a relationship with someone who despite their best attempts to make me happy just didn’t evoke strong enough feelings. Although this was the right decision, I second guessed myself for hurting someone else. I told myself that I should’ve lied and stuck it out and that a relationship meant I had something in common with my other friends.
I began to feel unloved and unwanted even when I knew the decision was the right one.
I told myself that I was now older than my mother was when she gave birth to me. I told myself that my biological clock was ticking faster. I believed that I could lie and forget my own happiness and sense of self.
Then I remembered. It wasn’t my job to fix anyone. It wasn’t my role to take all the weight upon my shoulders. I immediately began to cut myself some slack and tried my hardest to tell myself kind things in the following days as I adapted to my new reality without this person as a romantic prospect in my life.
Now if you’re reading this, your situation may be different from mine. It might include toxic family members, church callings and members who overstep and disrespect, or even a partner who has done you dirty that you’re trying to forgive or you just may be a young single adult just like me who is struggling in the path of singleness, settling for the bare minimum in your dating life.
Ladies, with your sassiest neck-roll, remind yourself that it’s not your responsibility alone to fix someone. It’s not your job to be the “fixer” who resets everything back into place. Remember that your self-worth is not tied to anyone and that it can only be built by you instead of being validated by others.
And sisters, if it comes down to removing people who disturb your peace…it’s time for you to break your own heart.