by Starfoxy
No doubt some of us have heard by now about Lizzi Miller. For those who haven’t heard, Lizzi is a model whose photo in a recent edition of Glamour Magazine caused quite a stir. The nude photo wasn’t airbrushed and caught her in a normal pose. Within hours of the issue becoming available positive feedback came flooding into the editor.
As I was reading about this the other night my four year old came up next to me. He looked at the photo and happily said “Mom, she’s laughing!”
That was all he found remarkable about the photo. Not her state of undress, not her belly, her thighs, or arms, not her hair. He looked at her and saw a person, a happy person. I hope he is always able to retain that sort of empathy, especially for women.
Over the years I’ve gotten pretty good at keeping my critical eye closed when looking at other people. It is harder to keep it in check when I’m looking at myself. Since I’ve stopped reading magazines and cancelled our TV service it is much easier to feel comfortable with how I really look. I’ve also worked hard to remind myself that exercise is for health not for fashion. That skipping desert is for well-being not for dress-sizes. That I am not just the facilities manager for my body, I live here.
I guess that is what makes me feel uncomfortable with the buzz about this particular photo- we’re still fixated on the body not the person inside it. It is certainly laudable to run a photo of a woman whose body is more realistic, if only because it helps us create a more reasonable definition of ‘normal.’ Despite that the discussion has still centered around the body, the shape of it, the presence or absence of flaws. It has been compared to other photos favorably and unfavorably.
This continued focus on the physical doesn’t change the discussion, just flips it over. Some who look for a more realistic beauty are quick to condemn the gaunt models as ‘too-skinny.’ Unsatisfied with the current ideal they create a new ideal that can be just as narrow.
I think the discussion needs to shift away from the states of our physical bodies to those things that differentiate us from dolls or mannequins. We have minds, feelings, goals, dreams. The best photos aren’t of bodies, they’re of people. The best way to feel good about your body is to like the person that lives in it.
I hope to more fully retrain myself so that when I see a picture of myself I can look past the faults that will always be there for those who care to search for them. I want to be like my son and look at a picture like this or any other and see nothing but a person, preferably a happy one.
I agree with your comment that we should focus on the inner person rather than the “package” we come in. However, I think the positive thing about the buzz this picture creates, is that there may be some women out there who might take the focus off of their obsession with having the perfect, thin body and embrace what they look like. This might give them a release from fretting over their body image and allow them to move on to nurturing their souls.
I liked the interview the model had with Matt Lauer on the Today Show. What we got to see was a woman comfortable with her body shape– someone happy and confident and enjoying what she’s doing. If there were more realistic models out there, the discussion on body image might begin to change and the focus on what’s important might emerge.
The Washington Post did a story about my mom once and sent a Pulitzer Prize winning photographer out to follow us around one day. When the story came out, the picture included was of my mom laughing, with a double chin. This was 15 years ago, and I remember the laugh, but all my mom remembers is the double chin. I feel for her and must admit that I am one of those moms who stays behind the camera; should anything happen to me, my kids would be hard-pressed to find a photo of me with them. I should work on that.
That *is* a fantastically joyful picture you linked to . . I had missed this story. Thanks.
Remember when Jamie Lee Curtis did a magazine spread and refused to be photoshopped . . . stirred up all kinds of intrigued, called and “act of courage . . . ” Because to look normal is brave?
Some of the best discussions with my (all female high school English) class last year stemmed around Toni Morrison’s book “The Bluest Eye.” How and when do we learn what is beautiful? What influences our perception of beauty? How early does it begin. In one memorable scene, a young African-American girl dissects the white baby doll she gets for Christmas. The adults are appalled — why, it’s the toy every girl would want. But Claudia desperate to figure out what it is that this blue-eyed baby doll has (that she does not) that makes her so desirable. In a later scene, we find a young girl who thinks dandelions beautiful — with their joyful, vibrant yellow. At least until she has an unpleasant encounter with white store owner . . . after which she knows, like everyone else, that they are ugly weeds.
I’d rather see the radiant joy of the woman you linked to over the gaunt, drawn cheeks of runway models anyday. But it is an uphill battle to look at my own (often smiling face) and react the same way.
I’m so pleased to find joy-filled images of women rather than those with the vacant stare that seems to be preferred by fashion photographers. Smiles are always beautiful.
One reason I love spending time at the beach is that you see bodies of all hues, shapes & sizes there–it reminds me that a bit of cellulite jiggle is a normal thing!
Kirsten-I liked the interview too. I especially liked where Matt Lauer asked if it was going to be back to business as usual after this or if it was going to mark a change in the sorts of pictures published in Glamour. The editor said that she thought there would be a change. I’m anxious to see if that pans out.
Deborah- I think I’ve see the Jamie Lee Curtis pictures you’re talking about. There was one of her in underwear without makeup and then one with her in full wardrobe and makeup and the difference really is striking.
Esodhiambo- That story about your mom is so sad, and I see similar behaviors in myself and all the women around me. And this:
Hit very close to home for me. I should work on that too.
Thanks everyone!
“The best way to feel good about your body is to like the person that lives in it.”
awesome. i think i will be stealing this.
My sister has finally conquered her fear of being photographed by saying, “This is the best I’ll ever look.” Which doesn’t really solve any problems, does it?
Since I work in closely related industries I think its important to keep reminding folks who read fashion mags that the women featured in them are no longer real, they are fabrications based on aspects of actual women but that’s it. The degree and sophistication of the alterations that are made to photos of women’s bodies can not be over estimated. We should also not assume that the photo of the model with a slightly sagging belly was any more real than other photos. We live in a day when the “that which once was there” has vanished completely from photography.
photography has become painting, especially in the case of the representations of women’s bodies.
Thank you for this reminder. I do find it difficult to empathize with people who manifest their distress by lashing out at people with different (my) opinions, but it is still distress, and I should learn to empathize.
What a powerful post for your first post!
I have thought about the points you have brought it up as well… just recently, a friend commented something to the effect of, “Does OW like ANY of the GAs?” I responded by saying we liked and sustained them all as members of the church, and that we are seeking for something more. That thought had never occurred to her, and she was softened… yet I was also softened because she is exhausted in trying to sustain her bishop husband and finds balance in her marriage by giving even more to motherhood at this time when her husband is virtually absent from family life at this time. Seeing it as a calling for both if them (him as a bishop and her as a mother)- thought she could not make the words to express how in her mind it worked– helped her to feel like their family was still as one. Whilst I don’t understand her exact position, I could empathize with the sense of mission one’s spouse and the powerful desire to want to do what is best for your family and still serve others.
Empathy is powerful. And as you said, it blows me away knowing children as young as 6 months feel empathy. That makes me feel like it is even a more powerfully God-given gift.
Love that you are a perma here! Love this post!
Thanks for this great post, Jess R. I absolutely love your reading of Jesus during Lazarus’ death. I’m totally going to use this episode of Jesus weeping, even while knowing Lazarus would be resurrected, when I teach a lesson or give a talk.
Jess R., thank you for this reminder! I’m going to actively, thoughtfully work on this. Or at least try.
I really like this post. I feel like you articulated what I could not say about how I felt over the furor around General Conference. I felt so sick at heart from the vitriol, and I wanted to feel like I could see both sides of it, where the anger was coming from, but I really struggled to do so. Thanks for this reminder.
My goal for empathy this year has been to avoid approaching other people’s problems with the mentality of “at least.” It is hard not to do this mentally but at the very least I’ve been trying to zip it verbally. You have morning sickness? At least you’re pregnant. That sort of thing. I feel like doing that is an attempt, however unconscious, to erase or nullify someone else’s pain not out of love, but because their pain is inconvenient to me. Its a sort of subtle one upsmanship sometimes too. Anyway, great post!
Thank you for this reminder that we are all capable of empathy and that the Savior taught we should show empathy. My problem is that I like that feeling of righteous indignation when I just know that I am on the side of justice, babies, nice people and everything good in the world. To take a step back and consider kindness, listening, and the possibility that I might be wrong requires an enormous amount of energy. No doubt it is good for me! Your post makes me want to give the empathy muscles a little more exercise.
[…] Empathy […]
Beautiful post! I have been thinking about this a lot lately too. I have been so frustrated with the unwillingness of people to even try to understand OW, but I know I haven’t tried as hard as I could to be empathetic myself. Only a year and a half ago I was one of those people who thought the priesthood was only for men, so I should understand, but like you said, empathy is hard work.
Great stuff, Jess.
I really like this, Jess, particularly the connection to mourning with those that mourn. (And the babies’ contagious crying. 🙂 )