Feminist Church, in Haiku Form

Wearing pants to church.
Getting shifty eyes from the
RS President.

Girls, we need to talk.
Modesty is not only
About your shoulders.

Watching Conference.
Whenever they say “virtue,”
I eat M&Ms.

Teaching Young Women’s
“Women used to give blessings!”
Aaaand… promptly released.

“We are daughters of …”
subversively muttering…
“Heavenly Parents.”

Sunday School lesson.
Thinking about commenting…
Instead check Facebook.

If I hear you say,
“Attack on the family!”
One more time, I’ll scream.

Male youth speaker gives
women directions on how
to clean a white shirt.
(this actually happened in my ward a few weeks ago. good times.)

Activity Days
Girls do “modest fashion shows.”
Cub Scouts go camping.

“Why can’t you women
Stop trying to change the church?”
Because we love it.

Feel free to add your own haiku in the comments!


Liz is a reader, writer, wife, mother, gardener, social worker, story collector, cookie-maker, and hug-giver.

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17 Responses

  1. Juliathepoet says:

    “We believe in the
    Spirit of prophecy” but
    Only for menfolk.

    So what is a girl
    Supposed to do when she finds
    She’s a prophetess?

    • Ocean says:

      We are all gifted with personal revelation if we live righteously, women and men alike.

      • Amelia says:

        Repeat pat answers.
        Close eyes, ignore the problem.
        Why are they gone now?

      • Ocean says:

        Ignore all you’d like
        It will never go away
        Truth and righteousness

      • Juliathepoet says:

        Personal is not
        The prophecy I receive
        It is for others.

        Dream of the future
        Then wait to meet future friends
        Share answers to prayers.

        Reach out to stranger
        Offer words of things to come
        Hear back of lives changed.

        Mocked by those who doubt
        Until great need brings them back,
        Seeking to find truth.

  2. marcella says:

    Thanks for the smiles.

    P.S. – not a fan of scouting even though it’s my current calling. LDS cubs better not be camping – it’s been a “no” in the handbook for many years.

  3. Jenny says:

    After all my comments
    “Yes, I agree with that, but…”

    Love this post!! It’s nice to be able to laugh at the frustration that church causes.

  4. Em says:

    Piano callings
    Watch primary kids goof off
    I avoid classes

    On my pedestal
    Naturally nurturing
    Oh no it’s wobbly

    Post-sacrament mint
    A favorite ritual
    Minty fresh again

    High council Sunday
    Bring greetings from stake leaders
    Time for tedium

  5. Ziff says:

    These are excellent, Liz! I particularly love the one about muttering “Heavenly Parents.” In the same vein:

    “Heavenly Mother”
    Five syllables you cannot
    Say safely at church

  6. East River Lady says:

    Church is a struggle
    But treats are in Primary
    I guess I will stay

  7. TopHat says:

    The coffee table:
    Exponent, Sunstone, Ensign.
    Confused hometeachers

    Look! Diversity!
    One family of color
    in a white, white ward.

    Head, shoulders, knees and
    I looked out the window and
    in the sun, melted.

    and one for the temple….

    Eyelids droop, snooze, sleep.
    …Satan’s great day of power…
    Wake up now! Best part!

  8. Caroline says:

    These are genius, people!

  9. Angie says:

    Awesome poems!!

    Here’s my effort:

    Jesus, only Him.
    Church can just distract from our
    Savior, Healer, Lord.

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