Guest Post: I Found God

by Taylor Rosecrans

Acts 17 “That they should seek the Lord, if haply they might feel after him, and find him, though he be not far from every one of us: For in him we live, and move, and have our being.”

—

I came looking for God in the pews.
Listening to authorities, their words circled around me, taking my breath as they came tighter and tighter.
I escaped and cried, God, is that you?
I found Him in the community of women who shared my hurt.

I went looking for God in the Holy Place.
My mind and my heart were lost, looking for the feminine, looking for myself.
I went home.
I found Her on my knees.

I looked for God in the symbols meant to comfort and protect.
They felt shallow. They felt restrictive.
Was God there?
I found Them in my heart.

I listened for God in words of a leader.
Anger grew in my throat.
I found God in my tears.

I searched for God in words I was told were His.
They danced above my head.
I reached, but they wouldn’t stick.
I found God’s Son in a new translation.

I went to find God in a mortal.
The words I looked for in his lips didn’t come.
My daughter cried out. I pulled her in.
I looked down and I found God in her smile.

I know where to find God now.
She is in my hands when I love.
He is in my soul when I pray.
I found God in a breath, in a step, in a thought.

I found God
in myself.
He is. They are.
I AM.

Taylor Rosecrans: A Non-traditional Mormon Woman. A Doctoral Student in Business. A Midwestern Mother of One.