Guest Post: Molested on a Young Women’s Trip #MormonMeToo

by Megan Buhler

I sat in the Bishop’s office with my Young Women President. She had pulled me in to tell him what had happened the day before on a young women’s trip. She had learned of it from the only person I actually told – my also-15-year-old friend who had cried in the backseat with me as we drove the hours home from a tour of church sites on the East coast of the United States. The Bishop listened, then called in my parents as well as the man I accused and his wife, and asked me to repeat my story. He swore us all to secrecy and insisted the details of what happened shouldn’t leave the room.

I took the charge to secrecy seriously, but somehow the whole stake seemed to know instantly. I heard – without being able to defend myself – the rumors swirling. Many of which called into question my virtue and integrity – comments about what I was wearing (an oversized T-shirt and jeans if anyone had cared to ask for the truth), my behavior on the trip (made up stories of night time escapades with boys we met along the way of our journey). A few supporters. My mom told me my seminary teacher stopped her in the hall. “I’ve never known Megan to lie. I believe her.”

A pattern of lying, though, was exactly what was established about this man in the Bishop’s office the day I made my accusation. During the conversation, the Young Women President recounted her surprise when he’d shown up just before it was time to leave on this trip insisting that the Bishop had asked him to attend so we’d have a priesthood holder with us. He overruled her objections: his wife was coming along too so he said there didn’t need to be two priesthood holders there, he would sleep in his car since no hotel accommodations had been made. There wasn’t space in the rented cars, but he put one of the young women in the front between him and his wife where his hand frequently and “accidentally” ran up the thigh of whoever was sitting there. The Bishop insisted he had no idea this man was attending the trip and had certainly not asked him to.

This man had also gone to girls camp for many years as the only priesthood holder and rumors had abounded for years about uncomfortable situations girls had been put in by him. I heard that the Stake President asked the bishop of every ward to check and see if there were any stories from the young women in his ward. Whispered conversations from friends, brave enough to tell their stories of what happened despite me being Exhibit A of what happens to the accuser: “I told my bishop about the time he demonstrated CPR on me and had his hands on my breasts the whole time.” Many of the girls had stories from the same young women’s trip “I told the Bishop how he walked into the bathroom when I was in the shower.”

The Stake President asked for other stories, but the one story he never asked for was mine. He never spoke to me.

I also heard the explanations from this man and his supporters. He had gone to girls camp as the only priesthood leader because no one else had wanted to (there had also not been a call for volunteers). Why was everyone so ungrateful? Didn’t they understand how much time he had taken off of work? How much he had sacrificed?

Sticking his hands down my pants? He was only trying to tickle my stomach. It was just coincidence that he was waiting when I came out of the bathroom alone. That he pinned me against the wall of the bathrooms, blocked from the view of anyone else. That a friend saw us both coming around the corner, and that I burst into tears the second I saw her.

My Bishop informed me of the outcome. The Stake President concluded that there was no evidence. All the stories could be explained by misinterpretation and because of the stories and rumors I must have been primed to interpret what happened in the worst possible way. Therefore, this man would no longer go to Girls Camp and they would start following the Church’s policy of having two priesthood holders at camp. He still had his temple recommend and the reputation that took the biggest beating was mine.

Megan lived in many states growing up, but currently lives with her husband and three children in Salt Lake City, Utah. She is an active member of the church and has served in many callings including Relief Society President and Primary President.