When our oldest was a baby, my husband was called to the high council and assigned to another ward. I pointed out that we had one car and that ward met at the same time as ours. The stake president looked at me and told me I would need to rely on the ward members to get to church. At the time, I meekly submitted. In retrospect, I see I was given second class status as my calling and taking care of getting me and the baby to church were not as important as his calling. I also see the stake president could have assigned him to a ward without a conflicting schedule.
– Brooke Booth
My husband was called as a counselor in the bishopric. Hardest time during our marriage so far. He says we get blessings. I told I see none of those because I’m home alone all the time. And him being gone so much from our family was opposite of a blessing.
– Anonymous
I became engaged at BYU. The Stake President was a stranger to me. I already had my recommend, as I’d served a mission 6 years prior. In my “before you get married in the temple” interview with the stake president, I mentioned I was not changing my name. He responded, “I don’t think they’ll let you do that.” Inside, I laughed at his misunderstanding of who he was dealing with. And I was grossed out by his perception of boundaries.
– J.D.
In a YSA ward, I joked with my roommates about being antisocial because we never attended activities. We were also introverts. That was used against me multiple times by men in leadership, who even introduced me to new ward members as, “This is so-and-so. She’s anti-social.” During a combined lesson before general conference, the bishopric asked us to name things we struggled with and I said “gender roles.” A few rows up, a guy turned around and laughed at me. I couldn’t move out soon enough.
– Anonymous
A member of the bishopric, upon seeing me many Sundays, said, “You’re a stay at home mom, so what do you even do all day?… Shop?” followed by snickering. Yes, I had a 4 year old with autism that I was caring for and driving to therapies, clearly I did nothing…. sigh. Saddest part was that this guy’s wife was and is a stay at home mom….
– MT
Pro Tip: Men in the church are expected to have full-time careers and independently provide for all their family’s financial needs. Men also exclusively fill the vast majority of time-consuming leadership positions in the church. Giving men the power in both of these spheres creates an imbalance when it comes to home affairs and parenting. Be aware of the dynamic this creates, and do your best to ensure men have the time to fulfill their role as fathers and husbands.
Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.
“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)
I’m one of those that had my name changed without my permission by a temple clerk even though I told the temple clerk that I was keeping my name. Just before my husband and I were married and sealed in the temple, the clerk took my recommend and my then fiance’s recommend to fill out some information. When she noticed my recommend still had my maiden name on it, she crossed my last name out and started writing my husband’s last name above it without confirming those were my wishes. I stopped her, asking her what she was doing and she said the bishop must have forgotten to make the change. I then told her I was keeping my name, and she had to whiteout her “correction” and reprint my name. We get married and sealed and all is peachy with my name until next week when I went to transfer my records into my new ward. Lo and behold, the temple had gone ahead and changed my last name regardless. I had to get our Ward clerk to change it back for me.
The fun thing is being a woman in the church means you can never win. If you’re a stay-at-home-parent, they make fun of you. If you’re a working mom like me, you get called a bad mother who is letting someone else raise your children. I got that message even when I worked for the church.