#hearLDSwomen: My Voice Is Dismissed; Men’s Voices Are Heard

I started bringing my husband to all one on one interviews such as callings because if a calling was not right for me and I asked for time to think/pray about it, the bishop would tell me I’m not exercising faith or not supporting my leaders.

If my husband came along and I said I’d like to receive a confirmation on my own, my husband would chime in with a comment about my other responsibilities being a priority for our family, and the bishop would smile, agree with him, and either withdraw the call or let us pray about it for a week before declining.
– Jennifer

 

I can’t tell you the number of times I have quoted scripture or a conference talk or something Joseph Smith said and been dismissed, only to have a man come along and share the same scripture or quote and be praised for his knowledge and understanding of the gospel.

Conversely, I have also been in the situation where my knowledge of the scriptures was praised, but in such an exaggerated way that the surprise at my knowledge was nearly as irritating as a dismissal.
– Leah Marie Silverman

 

A bishop a few years back interviewed my husband and me to welcome us into the ward. He asked a question that my husband indicated for me to answer, and the bishop ignored that I said anything and repeated the question to my husband.
– Descent

 

Pro Tip: Give women’s words as much weight as men’s. Don’t look to men to speak for their wives.


Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.

“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)

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3 Responses

  1. Ziff says:

    Ugh, these are so bad. It’s sad that Mormon men are essentially taught that women can’t even really be authorities on their own selves.

  2. Mary says:

    I’ve experienced this in the never-Mo world. It’s an old trope and one that received attention from sitcoms during 2nd wave feminism. If you want your idea to get any traction, have a man float it to the group. I actually encountered this and did this at my first job.

  3. Erin Kenny says:

    I’m both sad and angry that you have had to deal with sort of nonsense! I have been blessed with a husband who takes my word as equal to his and bishops who have generally acted the same (my husband is an extreme introvert and usually takes *me* when the bishop want to speak to *him*, hoping I’ll answer the questions put to us). In our most “educated” ward (i.e. the one where almost all the adults had some form of higher education), the women’s voices in Sunday School were heard at least as often as the mens. (Not to say that I’ve never dealt with, say, a Branch President with very little empathy who told me that if people were consistently wearing something to church I was allergic to, that maybe I shouldn’t come to church, rather than asking people not to wear it)

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