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For all the concern and resources the Church pours into youth and young adults because it is concerned about retention, the trend I am seeing is women in their thirties and forties leaving or totally renegotiating their participation and I think it’s for this reason.
I could have written this piece, just not as well-expressed. I am 61 now and at midlife went through intensive therapy for 5 years. I am so glad that I did. It gave me the skills to navigate what I am feeling now as I realize that many of my dreams will never be fulfilled. I bought into everything the church taught, including the endless self-sacrifice and toxic positivity. We are selling an afterlife that we know nothing about at the expense of the present. Best wishes on your journey. I support you and others who undertake this, wholeheartedly. You are brave to write and share these feelings. Much love…
You just explained my journey.
Wow. Beautifully written. It explains how I have felt and what I am going through exactly.
I, too, “… have more work to do on this path of midlife womanhood.” Thank you for your beautiful words.
Karen, this hit me like a ton of bricks ” We are selling an afterlife that we know nothing about at the expense of the present.” Truth can sometimes be shocking.
This is exquisite! You are asking yourself so many good questions, and they’re ones I need to ask myself. I wrote them down in my journal to think about more. Thank you so much for them.
Have you read Falling Upwards: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life by Richard Rohr? I kind of didn’t trust a man to write about midlife as it applies to women (and a Roman Catholic priest at that), but I loved how he frames similar questions.
Also, there’s a part where he says Mormons are so good at helping their (our) people navigate the first half of life; it’s the second half when it doesn’t work so well.
I did read it years ago, but perhaps I’m better prepared for it now. I’ll put it back on my list
Stunning post, Chiaroscuro! This sentence especially grabbed me: “I am slowly claiming sovereignty.” I relate to that idea so much and you’ve captured the agony and beauty of such a reclamation brilliantly.
I see you, dear friend, and all of you is marvelous. So much power and wisdom in this post and in you. Learning from you. Thank you.
“When a woman asks questions, she reclaims a forgotten birthright. Her anger fuels her as she topples hierarchies. She frees herself from the bondage of tradition.” I love this. I love this whole piece. So beautifully written. I have a lot of work to do myself around these issues, particularly on the ways I took a back seat to my husband when it came to career development and professionalization. I’ve got so many regrets about that. I hope my daughter does better than I did.
Absolutely, I put myself behind my husband and then my children, and reclaiming space for myself to have any kind of personal development and professional life is going to cause growing pains for everyone. I don’t want my daughters to have to go through this.
This is so beautiful. Really speaks to me and my experience. Also sounds like the internal family systems work I do as a therapist. Really getting to know parts of yourself is sacred work. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.