Maternal Overdrive: Reflections on Motherhood One Month In
I think I’m going crazy. CRAZY. Not because I’m getting so little sleep, not because nursing is annoying and no fun at all, not because I have a little month old ball and chain that needs me near it every other hour to feed it.
But because I think I want to have more. Maybe even two more. I even had a fantasy today about having three more. And then I started thinking about fostering some kids. What the hell is going on? I didn’t even like babies prior to a month ago.
Women, will this wear off? Are these just crazy lactating hormones that will disappear in a few months? It’s a little shocking to me to have these thoughts, as I have always been pretty determined to have only two kids, so that I could resume a career and pursue interests and talents other than child rearing.
I still want that career. I still have fantasies that I can have it all: job I love, as well as a houseful of kids (and dogs!), if that’s what I decide I want in the end.
What do you think? Are my hormones just sparking weird maternal fantasies? And do you know women that not only balance career and big family, but are truly happy doing it?
(Side note: I feel sheepish admitting these maternal fantasies of having a big family, since more than once I have looked with an absolute lack of understanding at women who decide to have huge families. But now that I have my own cute little baby E, I’m beginning to comprehend that impulse…)