Mormonism and Matriarchy
As a late-twenties-something Mormon woman, I sometimes proclaimed that I couldn’t wait to get older, say whatever I wanted, and bully everyone. This was (partly) tongue-in-cheek, but also revealed real frustrations and hurt. I often felt deeply conflicted at church. Intelligent, witty, talented, loving women surrounded me, cared for me, mentored me, and, yet, sometimes I felt small and powerless around them.
I recognized the chain of authority and the benefits of age (I’m a youngest child after all), but I resented my place in it. While I made jokes about my future role in a patriarchal system, I also feared it. Too often, it seemed like the reward for knowing your place as a young woman meant limited control and more social freedom as an older woman.
Another part of me deeply admired how more mature women often appeared self-confident, willing to speak up, and less intimidated by conflict. I looked up to them when they took control, insisted on things going their way, and even highlighted the ridiculousness of young men half their age (or more) exercising authority over them. I recognized power in their role, yet also recognized its limitations in a patriarchal structure.
No matter how strong these women appeared, they never held the ultimate authority. A man needed to approve every expenditure and leadership decision. Rather than stand up to this system, the ward matriarchs built a new hierarchy of women based on age instead. In contrast, when I looked at our male counterparts, their place in the patriarchy started at a young age and remained certain throughout their lives.
What’s my point here? Am I stereotyping all older Mormon women? Am I truly that ungrateful for the women who’ve welcomed, encouraged, empowered, and loved me over the years? Absolutely not. In fact, I see most of what I jokingly referred to as “bullying” as women owning a strength and authority that all LDS women should feel entitled to. An authority that should start at a young age and remain certain throughout our lives.
I just wonder if a matriarchy within the LDS Church could look and feel different if women held more overt power and authority in all aspects of the church? What if…
- What if female presidents could make final budget decisions?
- What if paid childcare allowed LDS women to hold positions of authority at a younger age without stressing over childcare?
- What if the LDS Church normalized women speaking last?
- What if women leaders spoke to young men with equal authority and acted as guest speakers some Sundays, as male ward leaders do in Young Women’s?
- What if ward councils included more women to represent half of the ward population?
- What if women could count and manage tithing and other funds?
- What if former presidents were always referred to as “President,” the same way a Bishop is?
- What if women had quorum titles beginning the year they turned 12, with specific authority and responsibilities valued and recognized by everyone?
- What if women led and presided over mixed-gender meetings?
- What if women representing the whole stakes came as authorities speak and represent the Stake Presidency?
- What if we had Stake Matriarchs?
- What if motherhood and fatherhood were viewed as equivalents, rather than motherhood and priesthood?
What if…
What if matriarchy was the equivalent of patriarchy?
Yes to this! At the top of the “What If” list, I would add: “What if women and girls held the priesthood just like men and boys do?”
With women holding equal ecclesiastical and administrative power and having seats at the table where all the decisions are made, it would only be a matter of time before all the “what if’s” were realized.
AMEN. I absolutely agree.
I would love to see this entire list implemented, and then some. I remember one ward where the Relief Society had been told that every book they read needed to be approved by the bishop. Such disrespect to adult women.
Absolutely. If Mormonism is going to continue to uphold and emphasize gender distinctions, I’m all for giving women real power and authority as matriarchs, equivalent to men’s. One of the things that really sticks in my craw is how little decision making power RS leaders have. I wish they had their own budgets, curriculum, and magazine/newsletter.
“Those in favor may show it by the uplifted hand…” Hand raised. High.
Yes to all. #8 brilliant. Having not only seats at the table, but decision authority (not just “input”)
Without ordaining women, several items on this list would just be putting lipstick on the pig.
So what if women make final budget decisions over the RS budget when the men allot the amount and acceptable expense types? And women aren’t bishops or SPs or GAs and therefore can’t determine how money is allocated across the board?
What if ward councils had more women? Well- if the men are THE presiding authorities in the room who approve the final decisions and men hand pick the women that get to be there who are mousy, deferential to the men, quiet, non-assertive, etc., than what would it matter?
President Uchtdorf referred to the female auxiliary leaders as “President” a few years ago while presiding at conference. Since that time- that practice has been quashed. Today they are…even at the General level “sister”. Meanwhile…everyone in the FP uses “President”, as does the President of the Q15 and Q12, SP Members (all 3), General YM Presidency members, Sunday school presidency members, etc. Not “Elder” or “counselor”, but all “President”. Yeah, this title is Desiree by everyone- as LDS culture is so obsessed with leadership and corporate-like titles.
I too long for a fairer church environment that utilizes the talents and spiritual and life-experience strength of all members, not just the men.
I agree. I also believe women should hold the priesthood and the same authority. This is what I’m envisioning it looks like. I wanted to present a thought exercise showing how present this is culturally.
If it works don’t mess with it!
Thanks for this, Mindy. We have a long way to still go before there’s a “restoration of all things.” After 60 years of my preaching that the church is still not fully, absolutely restored, today even a few top leaders are using the phrase. I used to suggest empowering women more, but it’s tough. When I presided over a congregation in Ann Arbor, Michigan, I put a woman in as Sunday School president. The stake president told us it couldn’t be. So after they went back to Dearborn, I eventually released the woman and put a Black man in. They didn’t try to force that change, although it was before the 1978 priesthood change. I also made a woman our ward executive secretary, something they never tried to block.