HILL CUMORAH, Manchester, Ny – Mormonism’s most famous Cumom has made his prediction.
On Friday morning, as crowds gathered around, Pioneer Phil saw his shadow and predicted six more millennia of patriarchy.
Legend has it if a furry/scaly/feathery animal casts a shadow on Cumom Day, Feb. 2, expect six more millennia of patriarchy. If not, expect the Second Coming.
In reality, Phil’s prediction is decided ahead of time by the suits in the Church Office Building on Temple Square, a tall and spacious building in Salt Lake City, Utah.
Records dating to 1830 show Phil predicting more patriarchy 140 times while forecasting an early Millennium just 31 times. No records exist for the remaining years.
TopHat, I love you.
This is wonderful, TopHat!
Oh my. I cried so hard I laughed.
So put your little hand in mine, there ain’t no hill of Cumorah we cain’t climb
Darn it.