Births
We will never remember dying.
We were so patient
about being,
noting down
the numbers, the days,
the years and the months,
the hair, the mouths we kissed,
but that moment of dying:
we surrender it without a note,
we give it to others as remembrance
or we give it simply to water,
to water, to air, to time.
Nor do we keep
the memory of our birth,
though being born was important and fresh:
and now you don’t even remember one detail,
you haven’t kept even a branch
of the first light.
It’s well known that we are born.
It’s well known that in the room
or in the woods
or in the hut in the fisherman’s district
or in the crackling canefields
there is a very unusual silence,
a moment solemn as wood,
and a woman gets ready to give birth.
It’s well known that we were born.
But of the profound jolt
from not being to existing, to having hands,
to seeing, to having eyes,
to eating and crying and overflowing
and loving and loving and suffering and suffering,
of that transition or shudder
of the electric essence that takes on
one more body like a living cup,
and of that disinhabited woman,
the mother who is left there with her blood
and her torn fullness
and her end and beginning, and the disorder
that troubles the pulse, the floor, the blankets,
until everything gathers and adds
one more knot to the thread of life:
nothing, there is nothing left in your memory
of the fierce sea that lifted like a wave
and knocked down a dark apple from the tree.
The only thing you remember is your life.
–Pablo Neruda
I have loved the poetry of Pablo Neruda for a long time, but this one is 8 months new to me. A friend read it to me, when my belly was big with child. The line that struck me fiercely then was, “It’s well known that we are born,” and this likely because I used to stare amazed at every New Yorker I saw in the hot summer subway, thinking twin thoughts: “You were born, and you!” and, “It is is possible to give birth.”
Now I am struck by what we will remember and what we won’t. We will not remember our death, as we do not remember our birth. “The only thing you remember is your life.” This fills me with a desire to remember for others–their deaths and births–which could also be called remembering others. I can do this for my daughter, and for dear ones close to me. It also fills me with a desire to remember my life, in writing, in photographs, in stories, and moments shared. I want to create a life I want to remember.
Lastly, I am struck by Neruda’s title, Births plural. It may be about death as a birth, but it may also be about life as a birth. What do you think?
What strikes you about this poem, or other’s by Neruda?
I have been writing down my daughter’s birth story today- exactly one year later. And my biggest thought has been that that day is really only remembered by me… My husband was there and felt it but didn’t have that bodily experience – a bodily knowing and remembering you know? And Nora won’t remember a thing despite her very physical experience. Only I felt it and will remember it. And that has made her birthday a sobering and almost lonely day for me. Is that bizarre?… Anyway, this couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. Thank you as always.
It is a bit lonely. I asked Spencer (and our doula) to write down the things that they remember. I wanted to know what the differences were, what it was like for the people there watching instead of only experiencing it.
Happy birthday to loved Nora, and happy remembering to loved you.
Thank you, Elisse. That made me cry, so beautifully expressed. This is a good reminder for me as a midwife- to walk more closely with my clients. So much love to you, and to Rachel.
[…] We will never remember dying. We were so patient about being, noting down the numbers, the days, the years and the months, the hair, the mouths we kissed, but that moment of dying: we surrender it without a note, we give it to others as remembrance or we give it simply to water, to water, to air, to time. Nor do we keep the memory of our birth, though being born was important and fresh: and now you don’t even remember one detail, you haven’t kept even a branch of the first light. It’s well known that we are born. It’s well known that in the room or in the woods or in the hut in the fisherman’s district or in the crackling canefields there is a very unusual silence, a moment solemn as wood, and a woman gets ready to give birth. It’s well known that we were born. But of the profound jolt from not being to existing, to having hands, to seeing, to having eyes, to eating and crying and overflowing and loving and loving and suffering and suffering, of that transition or shudder of the electric essence that takes on one more body like a living cup, and of that disinhabited woman, the mother who is left there with her blood and her torn fullness and her end and beginning, and the disorder that troubles the pulse, the floor, the blankets, until everything gathers and adds one …read more […]
Rachel, I love coming here on a Sunday morning and reading poetry. This one is particularly lovely. And I think maybe Neruda was talking in layers. Birth and death as births. And perhaps the thousand births in between. That’s how I see it anyway.
This was my favorite part:
“. . .that disinhabited woman,
the mother who is left there with her blood
and her torn fullness
and her end and beginning, and the disorder
that troubles the pulse, the floor, the blankets,
until everything gathers and adds
one more knot to the thread of life: . . .”
Birth and death are violent acts, no matter how peaceful they may appear to onlookers. It makes me think about quantum physics and chaos theory and how order appears within chaos if we understand the under-girding principle of order.
Among my favorite Neruda poems is “The Word.” Another poem about birth.
Happy Sunday, Rachel.
Rachel, I had similar thoughts while pregnant. That amazement in realizing everyone I saw used to be a baby. Used to have smooth skin and sweet breath and complete trust. And I thought about what a woman, even one who was not a good mother at all, went through to bring that person into physical existence, and how that price she paid should never be forgotten. I agree it’s important to remember things for others, when they can’t remember for themselves.
I love (and resonate with) everything you said here.