Poll: Mormon Euphemisms for Sex
Most of us Mormons like sex but we don’t necessarily like to talk about sex at church. At least, not using unchurchy words like “sex.” You can always raise your hand and use a word like “intercourse” or “intimacy” if you feel the need to mention sex at church, but I enjoy hearing Mormon sex euphemisms because some are either charmingly romantic or blushingly descriptive. (Oo la la!) However, some other Mormon sex euphemisms are a bit of a turn off.
In this poll, I’ve included some of the Mormon sex euphemisms I found while perusing LDS.org. Go ahead and check all of the ones you like; you can mark more than one. And if I neglected any of your favorite euphemisms, please share them in the comments. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to see if I can interest my husband in a little sacred union.
I like consummate expression of love because it sounds dignified but is actually a double entendre. I’m writing my dissertation on infertility, which of course involves also writing about sex and (since I’m a historian) I come across a lot of fun euphemisms in my historical sources and I have to force myself not to accidentally use them.
My favorite (and most repulsive ever) euphemism for a certain masculine bodily fluid involved in the intimate physical expression of marital love? “Life-giving liqueur.” Liqueur. It’s enough to put you off bonbons forever, right?
It was in a medical textbook, if you can believe it.
Oh yes, I believe it.
so gross!
lol
’nuff said
Thanks for sharing this one, Mhana. It is pure, glorious awfulness!
Pressure testing the pipes.
I occasionally will suggest congress.
I have heard the term “intimacy” used both within and outside Mormon circles. The problem with using this term is that intimacy encompasses way more than sexuality. We can express intimacy with our spouse by sharing our fears, hopes and dreams, and past experiences. Intimacy is about feeling emotionally close to someone and can be a big part of friendships as well. I think the danger comes when we equate intimacy with sexuality because we forget all of the other ways that we need to foster intimacy within a romanitic or friendship relationship.
I’ve heard some jokingly refer to it as a “wholesome recreational activity.” necking and petting, anyone?
BAW! “successful marriages… are established and maintained on principles of …. “wholesome recreational activities.” -Proclamation to the Family.
It’s all about individual interpretation. Search. Ponder. Pray.
“Tender intimacies of married life”?
That is the worst! Haha 😀
These are hilarious! Suggestion for next post: euphemisms for genitalia.
My husband and I joke about “shall we go practice making babies?”
also referred to sex multiple times in a 24 hour period as trying to have twins (triplets, quadruplets, even quintuplets occasionally).
My husband and I call it “making Jello”.
We used to refer to it as “playing Parcheesi,” but we haven’t used that one for a while. Usually when little ears are around it’s “adult alone time.”
“Participating in the Abrahamic Covenant”?
“Twaining”?
“A Marvelous Work and a Wonder”?
-Im through.
I haven’t heard as many euphemisms for sex as I have for things leading up to sex like necking and petting (as mentioned earlier), but my favorite because it is so strange is “Levi-lovin.” I know there are others, but I’m drawing a blank.
The word we should use is “breeding”. That is what it is for and that is what we have been commanded to use it for. Pure and simple.
Please tell me you are joking!
Janna,
As a celibate gay Latter-day Saint who has been commanded by the Prophet of the Lord to never follow my natural orientation for love and companionship, I must strongly urge you to remember that love can never ever be a reason for sex. It is for breeding purposes only. If the gays cannot use sex for reasons of love then the straights cannot use it for such either.
Michael, your logic may reveal the hypocrisy of the church’s current teachings re: the purposes of sex and homosexuality, but it doesn’t accurately represent anything like the attitude most Mormons have about sex between spouses.
This thought isn’t even part of LDS doctrine.
I think he is either joking or a troll. Or just misinformed. Where do you get your information?
I am gay and I would never think of calling it “breeding.”
Led here from a chain of links from a post that one humorous post of the year on Wheat and Tares. Will comment here in case anyone else comes by, even though it’s ages later.
Clearly, Michael is being sarcastic. Of course it doesn’t reflect the attitude of most Mormons; that’s the point. Can you imagine reading something like this if you’re gay? The fact that it’s all in humor makes it even worse. Trust me, it can make you feel VERY left out…
Surprised, ” Marital relations” didn’t make the list. That’s the one I hear most often at church. Always conjures up my in laws…
Celestializing