The Hymnal Revised

The church is currently working on a new, revised hymnal.  Some of the clear and pure doctrine that we hear from the pulpit was not represented musically in the old version.  This is my humble offering, which will also be very helpful for the month we spend teaching the Young Women about the priesthood.  Sung to “Ye Elders of Israel” — it is still intended for a male only chorus, which is fully inclusive if you only understood.


Ye sisters of Israel, who wish they could be                                                                        Ordained to the priesthood, at pulpits be seen —                                                              Aaronic, Melchezidek, to serve and to lead                                                                               Now cease from your moaning, for you are a Queen.

Chorus: O heretics, O heretics we bid thee farewell;                                                  Outspoken critiques are a ticket to Hell.

You don’t need the priesthood, but you can be sure                                                               That men would be evil if not pushed to abjure                                                                      Their carnal deeds and devilish thoughts always impure                                                    They need to make decisions and lead to endure.


Motherhood is kind of the same thing as control                                                                           Of administration and ward leadership roles                                                                       Women wield the priesthood through husbands that we extol                                        You’re single? Or childless? Well, there’s a loophole.


All women are mothers, so really they all                                                                                    Have the same status and privilege as the men that we call                                                    You don’t need the priesthood (which you already hold)                                                          So don’t be resentful we’ve left you in the cold.

If you need me I’ll be skulking within the shadow of the everlasting hills, being snarky this day, and always.

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3 Responses

  1. April Carlson says:

    Snort laughing/choking through my lunch while singing along in my head. BRAVA!!

  2. Ziff says:

    Wow, Em, this is great and hilarious and sadly so spot on.

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