Top Responses to “Do you wear your garments?”
Mormons like to talk about people’s underwear. They like to speculate about it and confront family members and friends about it. And it’s weird. Non-Mormon people don’t inquire about their friend’s/family member’s underwear habits. Can you imagine?!
If you find yourself thinking, “Should I ask someone about their garments?” or considering, “Should I wonder out loud to or ask others about someone’s garments?” I made you a flow chart. I recommend printing it out and keeping it close in case you find yourself in this predicament.
But what if you are on the receiving end of such a question? Well, you could print this chart out and hand it to Nosey McNoseface, or you can use some of my favorite responses.
Every day responses, ranked from mild to most “shocking”. Most are best given with a smile and a wink.
- “Oh, it’s laundry day.”
- “I don’t feel it’s respectful to sweat/menstruate all over my sacred garments.”
- “We’re told not to modify our garments to fit our clothing styles, and I’m sure you can see this sun dress wouldn’t work without modifying them. I just couldn’t do that.”
- “I do not wish to disclose my medical conditions or information to you.”/”My doctor told me not to.”
- “My <significant other> prefers lacy underthings.”
- “Ah, well. I guess I’m just not as righteous as you.”
- “I’m aiming for the third tier of the Celestial Kingdom.”
- “Can I see your tax returns? We’re playing ‘Who can ask the most rude question,’ yes?”
- “Why? Are you trying to imagine me in my underwear?!”
- “I guess I forgot to put them on this morning. Morning sex can make me SO absentminded.”
Top Scriptural Responses
- “And s/he caught (me) by (my) garment, saying, Lie with me: and (I) left (my) garment in her/his hand, and fled, and got (myself) out.”
- “They parted my garments among them, and upon my vesture did they cast lots.”
- “I made sackcloth also my garment; and I became a proverb to them.“
- “But what went ye out for to see? A wo/man clothed in soft raiment? behold, they that wear soft clothing are in kings’ houses.”
- “My flesh is clothed with worms and clods of dust; my skin is broken, and become loathsome.“
- “Let thy priest/esses be clothed with righteousness; and let thy saints shout for joy.“
- “By the great force of my disease is my garment changed: it bindeth me about as the collar of my coat.“
- “And s/he shall put off her/his garments, and put on other garments.“
- “I put on righteousness, and it clothed me: my judgment was as a robe and a diadem.“
- “And every garment, and every skin, whereon is the seed of copulation, shall be washed with water, and be unclean until the even.“
The 1800s Mormon Creed Answer: “Mind Your Own Business”
The Hamilton Musical Answer: “That depends. Who’s asking? Oh, well, sure, sir. I’m Alexander Hamilton, I’m at your service, sir
I have been looking for you… I’m getting nervous… Sir…” (continue as long as you like)